


You Are Loved

by WriterfortheTylwythTeg



Category: How to Train Your Dragon (Movies)
Genre: Dating violence, F/M, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Kitty Toothless, Smut, lovely smut
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-23
Updated: 2016-12-23
Packaged: 2018-09-11 11:39:19
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 7
Words: 27,404
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8978173
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/WriterfortheTylwythTeg/pseuds/WriterfortheTylwythTeg
Summary: Modern AU. It's not just women that are in abusive relationships. Hiccup needs a hero, and it comes in the form of a slender, foul-mouthed, stubborn, blond girl who is the first person in a long time that thinks he's worth the world.





	1. You Are Loved

The only reason Hiccup was at their company Christmas party was because his boss had basically threatened (jokingly? He could never tell) to fire him if he didn't show up. That was the only reason. It wasn't that he didn't like being social, no matter how awkward he was when it came to the impossible art of socializing. It wasn't that he didn't like getting out, especially now when he rarely left the house anymore.

Hiccup drew in a breath and released it heavily, cheeks puffing out. He pressed himself further into the corner and bowed his head, trying his very best to hide without appearing completely strange. He'd already told his boss he was here, so there was no reason to remain visible. He didn't want to go home any sooner than he had to. Never mind that the longer he stayed out, the more violently his stomach began to flip and his palms began to sweat. He could handle the feeling of impending nausea.

He couldn't handle having his head smashed against a wall because he hadn't answered his phone.

Speaking of, the stupid thing vibrated in his pocket. Hiccup grit his teeth, steeled himself, and pulled it out, already knowing what he'd find.

Where are you?

A shiver ran through his frame and his breathing began to quicken, chest feeling alarmingly tight. Oh God, if he had a panic attack here, there was no doubt they would call an ambulance, and if he went to the emergency room they'd find-

"Hey babe!"

Hiccup's ears pricked and he looked up from his phone, and as soon as he saw who it was, a warm, languid wave of calm and relief washed over his trembling heart, stilling his writhing stomach and loosening the noose around his throat. The pet name made him smile involuntarily, and he felt it reach his eyes. She was so affectionate with the few people she really cared about, and Hiccup felt blessed to be one of those people, no matter how much it terrified him at the same time.

"Hi Astrid!" he replied, pocketing his phone firmly and ungluing himself from the wall, though he couldn't bring himself to fully meet her eyes. It was a horrible habit, one he despised he had developed.

"What do you think of my dress?" she asked, mock posing for him. She looked so ridiculous that Hiccup couldn't help but laugh.

"It's really pretty," he said, nodding, "But not as pretty as the girl wearing it."

He knew he shouldn't be flirting, but he couldn't help it. Astrid always made his face heat pleasantly and his belly tingle like it was filled with champagne. She made him feel warm, welcome, and comfortable. He wondered often if he made her feel the same way.

"Oh aren't you a sweetheart," Astrid simpered mockingly, "This old thing came from the thrift store. I'm not pretty, just cheap. Also I haven't showered all day."

"You are too pretty," he insisted, and he suddenly felt his phone vibrate again. He tried hard to stifle the flinch that resulted, and quickly peeked down at the screen in his pocket.

WHERE ARE YOU? You better answer

"Look at you though!" Astrid was saying, walking up to him and passing her eyes over him, "You're so handsome! Some people have all the luck. It's not enough that you're smart, you have to make all the girls in the office drool too."

Hiccup laughed nervously, looking up from his phone. His neck felt uncomfortably hot while his extremities were freezing. "I'm really not smart. And there's no way anyone would think…this is attractive in any way." He gestured to himself. "Anyway, I'm not much fun to be around. I'm surprised you chose to say hi to me, I'm really not worth wasting your breath on."

Astrid just gave him a comical look of disbelief and shook her head, stepping a little closer. She was so close now Hiccup could smell her delicious perfume, see every one of her freckles on her face, the reflection of his face in her eyes. She looked so soft, so happy, so receptive and sweet and…

…everything Hiccup had ever wanted before Heather had utterly destroyed him as a person.

"What a pack of lies," she said, something in her tone shifting, "I think you're fun to be around. And I also think you're very funny, and kind, and sweet"-

Hiccup lowered his eyes to the floor, smiling and shaking his head. Tears pricked at his eyes and his heart stuffed itself in his throat. He would have a hard enough time believing those things two years ago; now it was impossible to when all you heard every other day was how worthless you were and how no one would ever love you except for me. No one else would want a whore like you. Oh god, grow a pair and stop crying you wuss, be a man-

"I'm really not," Hiccup said thickly.

"You are," Astrid insisted, "You're beautiful, Hiccup. Inside and out."

His chin quivered and his tears spilled over embarrassingly, his face red. Astrid clucked sympathetically and tentatively touched his forearms. When he didn't push her away, her hands moved slowly up his arms, and then went up to cup his face. Her hands were cool and soothing, and so gentle. Her eyes were filled to the brim with concern, and she was so beautiful and there and saying something about how he really needed to be complimented like this more often, he deserved it…his battered heart couldn't handle it. Couldn't handle how she touched him so carefully, always making sure it was okay with him, how Astrid had always made him feel confused, guilty, wonderfully happy and…like he was worth something. She thumbed away his tears and he gently gripped her wrists, holding her hands in place.

"Don't cry babe, it's okay," she said, "Whatever it is, it's okay. I'm here."

Hiccup took her hands from his face and lowered them between them but didn't let go, unable to meet her eyes. If he looked at her, he might start believing other impossible things.

Like maybe he had found a way out of his own personal Hell.

Before he could react, Astrid had dipped her head and brushed her lips against his. Hiccup's eyes popped open in shock, but he didn't pull away. Astrid pulled back for a second, running her tongue over her lips, tasting him. She must have decided she liked it, because she pressed her lips against his again, and they were warm, pliant, and searching, almost reverent. She was kissing him so tenderly, so slowly and sensually, that Hiccup couldn't help himself; he let his lips go lax and felt them move against hers. A heady flush of warm tingles fizzled in his belly before they singed their way up his chest, his throat, and settled in his head. His breath was stolen from him, he couldn't think, and more importantly, he didn't want to think. He wanted to feel.

Astrid slid her hands up his neck, burying them in his hair. It was an action to hold him in place, a sign of her desire to keep kissing him, something he couldn't believe was happening. Hiccup lifted his hands to caress her shoulders lovingly. She broke away from him again after a minute, letting her forehead rest against his. Her breath was moist on his lips, and Hiccup shivered with delight.

"I've been wanting to do that for a while," she admitted, and he could hear the smile in her voice.

"Yeah," Hiccup said hoarsely, heart stuttering and head filled with fluffy clouds of bliss. He found himself wishing he could freeze time right here so this feeling never had to end, and this moment could go on forever. Astrid giggled and pressed a few more pecks to his lips, as well as one on his nose, and Hiccup finally felt a dangerous surge of affection and hope sweep him away. He leaned forward to kiss her again, intending to hold onto her tight in hopes he would never have to let go-

His cell phone vibrated again, and the perfect moment was shattered into a million unrecognizable pieces. Hiccup was dragged cruelly back to earth, and his heart faded from its vibrant red color back to its hopeless grey once more.

"I should get going," he said, trying not to let his voice shake too much. It took every ounce of willpower he possessed to pull away from the warm safety of Astrid's embrace, especially when he knew the cold world awaited him outside. His heart broke when he saw the confusion on her face.

"Hiccup, what's the matter?" she asked as he began to head to the door.

"I'll see you after the break, okay?" He tried to smile at her, a sweet smile he knew she'd enjoy, but it felt forced and he knew it didn't reach his eyes. Without waiting for her to reply, Hiccup went out the door and raced out of the building, nabbing his jacket and zipping it up as he went. He peeked at his phone and felt bile rise in his throat.

You better be home in the next 5 min or I'm going to find you and beat the shit out of you

Dread choked him on the drive home, and he actually had to pull over because he felt the beginnings of a panic attack coming on. Hiccup shivered and tried not to cry during the whole thing, but failed miserably. He tried not to listen to his desperate wheezes as they echoed in the car, the sound of his body trying to find air and not succeeding. It was the single most frightening thing in the world, and Hiccup could only sit there in the aftermath of the attack with his forehead leaning against the steering wheel, lower back aching and sniveling like a child. In that moment, he really did feel like a child though; he wanted his mother so fiercely that it was a physical ache. He wanted to be a little boy again where safety was an easily obtainable thing. It used to be as simple as crawling in his mommy's lap and hiding his face in her shoulder while she covered him with a blanket.

And then Astrid…oh, she was always so kind to him, ever since his first day on the job. He could tell she was flirting with him from the very beginning, and he really should have tried to stop it, should have said he already had a girlfriend. But when Astrid talked to him, it always made him feel so good, and he couldn't deny that he had feelings for her. And now tonight…

Hiccup shivered violently and couldn't stop. He felt so cold and so very, very alone. It made him want to run back into the building and dive into Astrid's arms. It made the endless craving for a kind word, a soft touch, all the more powerful.

It made him want to hear someone say "I love you" and finally, genuinely mean it.

His hands shook as he started the car and continued home, trying to remember his parents' love and wrap it around his heart like a shield. It was so hard now because they were many states away and Heather never let him talk to them, and he didn't have any friends anymore because she said she was the only friend he needed and-

Oh God. If she found out what he and Astrid had done tonight…

Hiccup choked on another sob and furiously wiped at his eyes. He didn't want his girlfriend to see he had been crying. It pissed her off to no end. Real men didn't cry, she said. Telling her that crying didn't pertain to either sex and that it was a human thing to do wasn't a smart idea, he'd learned.

Trying not to think too much, Hiccup parked and dragged his feet going up the stairs to his apartment. Maybe if he was lucky, Heather would be out and he could have a chance to compose himself. Maybe, he could lay there on his bed with Toothless and tell him about the kiss he had shared with Astrid and how wonderful it made him feel. Maybe he'd have a chance to disappear into the fantasy where he was warm and safe and-

"You told me you'd be home 20 minutes ago."

Hiccup flinched violently and his eyes immediately went to the floor. They didn't move from that position even as he chucked off his jacket and smacked into the door frame.

"I'm sorry," he mumbled, "It's snowing pretty bad out there, so I drove slow."

He chanced a peek up at Heather, and saw her shrug. "I suppose so," she said, "But you didn't answer any of my texts."

"I'm sorry," Hiccup shrank back into himself, "I'm sorry. I was talking to people."

Heather laughed, "Oh that's bullshit. You don't talk to people. Who the hell would want to talk to you anyways?"

She stood up from her place at the table and began to walk towards him, and Hiccup subconsciously pulled his head as close as he could to his shoulders and crossed his hands in front of his groin. She only stopped when she was in front of him and stretched her neck out to sniff him. She frowned deeply.

"You smell like perfume," Heather observed quietly.

Hiccup began to tremble in earnest and his stomach dropped like an anvil to his feet. "T-There were lots of ladies wearing perfume there. I'm sorry."

"And you made out with them all? There's lip gloss on your lips."

He reached up and rubbed his lips, feeling the gloss and swearing profusely in his head. He had completely forgotten Astrid had been wearing lip gloss. "I-I…no, I'm sorry I was late, nothing happened, I just"-

Slap!

"You are such a fucking liar!" Heather yelled, "Jesus, everything that comes out of your mouth is a lie, you know that? I don't think you've ever told the truth a day in your life!"

Hiccup's head had nearly been wrenched around from the force of her slap, and he felt his cheek stinging painfully in the wake of it. When he raised his hand to rub it, Heather wrenched his hand down and pulled him forward by the neck of his shirt.

"So who was it?" she hissed. Hiccup just shook his head rapidly and backed up until he hit the wall, trying to make himself seem as small and non-threatening as possible. Hard to do when you were 6 feet tall, but nonetheless in the moment of stress his body was trying pull out all the stops to make him look submissive and hopefully appease Heather's anger; he had practically curled in on himself to protect his soft belly, and lowered his head and eyes so that he didn't make eye contact. His eyes were wide and producing tears against his will, but nothing was making her back down.

Yet underneath the sudden swell of terror, Hiccup remembered Astrid's lovely face, and another instinct long-buried in the male half of the human race asserted itself in earnest: the instinct to protect. In particular, the instinct to protect women, who were smaller and less physically intimidating than men, rose in him in the desire to protect Astrid.

So no matter how increasingly angry Heather's demands to know who it was he kissed grew, Hiccup kept his lips sealed.

Then Heather became very quiet, and backed away from him. "Alright, my little whore," she said, "I think we need to be reminded who our girlfriend is."

Hiccup drew in a breath sharply and his heart all but stopped. He could hear himself desperately saying he was sorry over and over, could feel Heather yank him to his feet and ignore his pleas and his tears. He also heard her growl at him that this was his fault and he had to "take it like a man."

But after that, his brain shut down in an effort to protect itself, and instead filled his mind with happy things to drown out the outside world. He felt no pain, and saw only warmth and light in his mind's eye, only heard his mother singing to him, only felt his father's arms around him, only heard Astrid calling him "babe."

And now, he had the beautiful memory of her lips on his, and his skin held the memory of her reverent touch, and he could pretend that these people were here protecting him when he hadn't a hope of protecting himself anymore.

000

Hours later, Hiccup sat curled up on the shower floor, the sanctuary his mind created finally falling away and exposing him harshly to reality once more. He stuffed his fist in his mouth, trying to stifle his cries and failing horribly. His chest hitched and shuddered and his muscles refused to relax, stiffening against the agonizing soreness in his lower body.

He tried very pointedly to ignore the blood running down the drain.

There were new, bright bruises all along the area between his legs, and he was bleeding from his rear. Heather must have kicked him in the groin several times, because he couldn't sit no matter how gingerly he tried to do so. Sweat prickled along his skin from the pain and his stomach felt hot and bubbled uncomfortably. His mouth tasted awful, and he knew Heather had forced him to eat her out at one point.

His stomach lurched and cramped viciously, and before he could hope to stop himself Hiccup retched right there on the bathtub floor. His back heaved and his ribs shuddered, and between bouts he heard himself begging for his mom.

But his mother wasn't there to protect him. No one was. Besides, Hiccup figured, she wouldn't like what her son had become, this pathetic thing who was too afraid to look anyone in the eye now because his girlfriend didn't like it, who tried to look inside himself and didn't see anyone but Heather.

He didn't even recognize himself anymore.

Toothless suddenly popped up at the edge of the tub, mrrrr-ing curiously. When he saw Hiccup's tears and smelled the blood and vomit, and his fluffy black tail shot up in alarm and he jumped into the tub with his boy, ignoring the water. He placed his paws up on his boy's shoulder and began to purr, licking his ear, trying to make him smile. Hiccup sobbed helplessly and pulled the black cat to his chest, holding him tightly and curling his body around him. Toothless purred on, occasionally turning his head to lick his chin.

"I want to go home," Hiccup moaned, "I want to go home, bud."

Toothless mewed in response, and Hiccup fought against the pain in his body and heart, singing a little song from his childhood and trying to pretend his current self didn't exist.


	2. Unconditionally

Hiccup didn't used to drink when he lived with his parents. It was just another horrible habit Heather had brought on. He actually despised the taste of alcohol, but he did like the effects of it. No, he had become dependent on the effects of it. Sometimes it was the only he could make it through an evening with his girlfriend. That night, after Heather had gone out to party with some friends, he raided the liquor cabinet and drank until the soreness in his body began to fade. He drank until he felt dizzy, and then he drank until he was kneeling in front of the toilet, vomiting his guts up. Then he collapsed on the bed and cried himself to sleep, praying he would have good dreams for once tonight.

He didn't.

For the next few days, he lay in bed and tried to nurse his sore lower body. Everything down there hurt so much he could barely move without making himself want to throw up from the pain, and going to the bathroom was fiery agony. Luckily, Toothless was there with him whenever he could be, draping himself across Hiccup's stomach and soothing him with his warmth and company. However, he could only be with him when Heather wasn't there. She hated his cat and had threatened to kill him more than once, and Hiccup believed without a doubt she would do it. So, even though it hurt beyond imagining sending his best friend away, he had Toothless hide whenever she came back.

Christmas itself was grim and cold; there was no tree, no gifts, no sense of warmth or happiness to fill the apartment. If Heather wasn't verbally abusing him today, she was ignoring him. Her parents called her that morning, and to hear her talk with them set a deep longing throbbing in Hiccup's chest. Perhaps that's what possessed him to ask his next question.

"Can I call my parents?"

Heather looked at him like that was the dumbest question she had ever hear in her life. Hiccup ducked his head and apologized, then mumbled something else that she couldn't quite catch.

"Jesus Hiccup, quit the mumbling, it pisses me off," she growled.

"I said it's Christmas," he repeated, "I just wanted to say hello." Then he added more quietly, "I miss them."

"Of course you do," Heather said shortly, "You're such a mama's boy. I'm honestly shocked you're not still breast-feeding. Whatever, go ahead and call them, but keep it on speaker."

Hiccup eagerly yanked his phone out of his pocket, and with trembling fingers dialed his house number. God, he couldn't even remember the last time he had talked with his parents. They called him 10 times a day, but Heather didn't let him answer his phone. His poor mom, she had to be worried sick by now. Hiccup had a passing ironic thought that she had good reason to worry about him.

He waited with baited breath as the phone rang, and then nearly leapt for joy when he heard the phone pick up and his mom's voice on the other line.

"Hello?"

Oh, it was like the first spring rain after a long winter, a drink of water to a man dying of thirst. Tears sprang to his eyes and his throat tightened up at hearing the familiar voice of everything he had come to associate with safety and love, of cuddles and hugs after nightmares and a quiet haven in the stormy world. Hiccup wanted terribly to jump through the phone and dive into his mother's arms and never come out.

"Hey mom," he said thickly.

Valka gasped on the other end, "Hiccup! Hi baby! Where have you been, I've been trying to get a hold of you for so long and you never answer my calls. I've been so worried, are you okay?"

He swallowed hard, wanting so badly to scream _No! I'm miserable mom, I want to come home!_ But Heather was staring right at him, so he pushed out the lie.

"Yeah, I'm fine. I'm sorry I haven't been answering, new job, you know, has me busy."

"Well, don't go that long without calling me again or I'll assume you're dead and call the police, understand?"

Being scolded had never felt so good before. "Yes mom. Anyway, I just wanted to call to wish you a Merry Christmas. Wish I could be there with you guys."

His mother replied, "Aw, love I wish you could be here too. I miss you so much. So does your dad, though he won't admit it, you know him. I've caught him more than once looking in the photo album and finding pictures from when you were little and crying over them."

He laughed, but it sounded hollow and forced. "Really?"

Valka paused. "What's the matter baby? You sound like something's wrong. Is everything okay with Heather?"

_No, she beat and raped me a few nights ago. I still hurt and I drink now to dull the pain since I can't go to the doctor's, otherwise they'll find out what she does to me._ "…Yeah, everything's great."

"Well, I still don't think you should have moved so far away with her. Oh, but your father tells me it's natural for young men to want to get as far away from their parents as possible. I understand that, I suppose."

"Heh, yeah, there is that. My job's pretty good here, too." _There's a really pretty girl I work with that actually treats me like a human being. She really likes me, and I like her and we kissed. I'd give anything to leave Heather and be with her instead._

"I know," his mom sighed, "Are you sure you're okay? You sound tired."

_I am! I'm so tired mom, I want to go home!_ "Nah, I'm alright. Work, you know."

"Yeah. Alright baby, well, answer my calls more often, okay? I miss you so much."

Hiccup swallowed down his tears and shook with the effort it took not to cry. "I miss you too, mom."

"Oh, Hiccup don't cry. You'll come and visit soon, right?"

Heather narrowed her eyes at him, and Hiccup shuddered, feeling pinned under her glare.

"Yeah, at some point."

"Well, the instant I see you I'm going to give you a big hug and I might not let go of you the whole way home."

"Alright mom. You do that."

"I will. Merry Christmas, baby. I'm sending a hug your way right now, alright?"

"Okay mom, thanks."

"Bye, Hiccup. I love you so much. I'll tell your dad you called."

_No, don't hang up! Don't leave me, please don't leave me, don't leave me alone with her. Fly up here and take me home right now, you can hug me all you want, I don't care who sees. I wouldn't want you to stop anyway._

"Bye, mama. I love you too."

Then the phone clicked on the other line and went dead, but Hiccup still stared at it, stunned, staring at his mother's name on the screen. He finally leaned back on the couch and sighed heavily, his chest hitching with restrained sobs. Heather rolled her eyes.

"You know you're never going to visit them, don't you?" she said.

Hiccup blinked his tears away, feeling them run down his temples as he stared at the ceiling. His mother's voice rang in his ears and he held onto it desperately.

"Yeah."

000

The grocery store was such a normal place for people to commune. Yet it still surprised Hiccup when he saw Astrid there.

He heard her excited "Hey!" and then turned his head to see her trotting over to him, face shining joyfully. He would have smiled back had Heather not been there with him. He could practically taste the fury rolling off his girlfriend in waves when she caught sight of the happy blond girl.

"Funny running into you here, stranger," Astrid said once she stopped in front of him, "How's your vacation going?"

Hiccup swallowed hard and immediately lowered his eyes to the floor, cowering like a beaten dog. He could feel Astrid's confusion, almost see the smile of greeting sliding off her face to be replaced by a concerned frown.

"Who are you?" Heather asked suspiciously.

"Uh, Astrid," the girl answered, "I'm a co-worker of Hiccup's."

"Yeah? Well I'm his girlfriend."

The awkwardness was palpable as Hiccup imagined Astrid turning over in her mind that she had kissed someone who already had a girlfriend, and more importantly, hadn't told her that fact. So Hiccup was surprised by what Astrid said next.

"Well, that may be, but I'm just asking him how his vacation went. There's no reason to cop an attitude."

Heather laughed, and the sound was awful to Hiccup's ears. "I don't think I'm the one who's copping an attitude here, miss. His vacation is going fine. Now if you'll excuse us, we have a lot of shopping to get done."

He chanced a quick glance at Astrid's face, and her expression was contorted into one of strong annoyance. "Hey, I asked _him_ , not you," Astrid said.

Heather was clearly on her last nerve. She didn't have many nerves to spare anyway, Hiccup knew. "Well," his girlfriend said sweetly, "He's not very socially adept. Trust me, I'm doing you both a favor by speaking for him."

Astrid spat in disgust, "What the hell does that mean? Hiccup's not a child. And besides, I think he's socially adept or whatever the hell you just said he wasn't. And you know what else? He's smarter than all of the people in our office put together."

"Oh sweetie, I think you've got him confused with someone else. Come on, Hiccup."

Heather took him by the hand forcefully and led him away, like he was a child. He looked over his shoulder at Astrid in time to see her eyes widen with surprise. She called his name questioningly, and Hiccup opened his mouth to respond. But then Heather's grip had moved up to his wrist, and she was squeezing it so tightly he swore he felt his bones creak. Hiccup winced and turned his gaze forward again.

"You don't need to talk to her," Heather growled, "Now, eyes on the floor. You don't need to look at any other girl but me."

000

Astrid watched the two of them disappear into the crowd, utterly shocked, confused, and angry. She had half a mind to go after them; she wasn't afraid to wrestle another girl to the floor. But the look on Hiccup's face stopped her in tracks.

He looked… _terrified_.

She had been trying to catch him all during break. They had kissed, after all, and then he had left without a word of when he might want to see her again. Astrid thought he had enjoyed the kiss as much as she did; he had hugged her, and the look on his face after they had broken apart had matched hers and it just made her want to melt into a puddle of babbling goo. So she was overjoyed when she saw him again, and had trotted over feeling like a giddy little girl with the intention of maybe inviting him out to dinner or something.

Then she had caught sight of the dark haired girl with him.

When Heather had said she was his girlfriend, Astrid's initial reaction should have been irritation. But the way she had said it, like she was the goddamn queen of Olympus, combined with Hiccup's cowed expression washed away any irritation she might have felt towards Hiccup for neglecting to tell her he already had a girlfriend. All she felt was concern for him, and the overwhelming thought that she shouldn't leave him alone with that girl.

She had heard Heather tell him that he didn't need to talk to her as they walked away, and the fact that he wouldn't, or maybe couldn't look Astrid in the eye made bile rise in her throat. The whole conversation made a tidal wave of expletives rise in her chest, and Hiccup's fear only added fuel to the fire.

A strange feeling rose in her then. The instinct to protect was prevalent in each gender of the human species: it was instinct in men to protect women, and instinct in women to protect their children. However, it was rare that a woman came to the rescue of a man, and this was true across the board for all species that identified as mammals. More often, history had ingrained in females to fear unfamiliar males because of the danger they could pose to themselves or their children.

But now only one thought filled Astrid's mind in that grocery store, something that shifted the course of her life from there on out.

Protect Hiccup.

000

It took all of Astrid's willpower not to call an ambulance the instant she saw Hiccup back in his office after the break. But she couldn't, not yet. She had come here for a reason.

First of all, she couldn't get over how _thin_ he had become. He had always been scrawny, and that was part of his charm for her, but it was never an unhealthy sort of scrawny. Now, he looked like he would break in half if a strong wind blew through the office. His face was pinched, forehead tight and jaw tense, as if he were in pain and trying not to cry out from it. And above all, he looked _exhausted_. There were dark smudges under his eyes, and when Astrid approached, he was staring blankly off into space, his eyes shutting and then snapping open as sleep tried to claim him over and over again.

God, Astrid wanted to cry. She wanted to cry, pull him into her arms and promise over and over that she would protect him and nothing bad would touch him ever again.

Instead, she cautiously stepped up to Hiccup, trying not to startle him, and said softly, "Hey babe."

Hiccup jumped nearly a foot out of his seat anyway, his eyes going in and out of focus, before they landed on her and he relaxed again when he determined who she was.

"Hi Astrid," he smiled weakly, but genuinely, "Fancy meeting you here. Or, I suppose not, considering you work here."

He drew in a breath through his nose and rubbed at his eyes, trying to wipe the urge to sleep away from them. However, when he did, one of his sleeves slid up and revealed his bony wrist. Or rather, revealed the dark, finger-shaped bruises on his bony wrist. Astrid gasped sharply, and Hiccup must have instantly realized what he had shown her inadvertently revealed to her. He covered his wrist with his other hand and tucked it between his knees, not meeting her eyes and obviously too tired to come up with a good excuse as to how they had gotten there. Astrid gritted her teeth so hard they almost cracked.

"Anything I can help you with?" Hiccup asked, stiffly, too formally. She hated it.

"No, I was just coming by to say hi. And to make sure you were okay."

He shook his head, but still replied, "Yes." He shrugged his shoulders, the movement jerky and spasmodic.

Astrid came a little closer and leaned over him, trying to get a better look at his face. He refused to look her in the eye, but he didn't have to. His eyes were glazed, and he kept swallowing. "Are you sure?" she asked in the kindest, most tender voice she had ever used before, "You don't look good. Maybe you should go home and rest."

Before he could refuse her, her lips were on his forehead, soft as a whisper. When they pulled back, Astrid added, "You feel warm."

Hiccup seemed at a loss as to how to respond, because he kept stuttering and forming half-sentences, all the while becoming more agitated. His face became redder and one arm had come up to rub the other, and Astrid felt horrible for making him feel so flustered.

Just then, the doors to the office opened, and a dark head of hair bobbed over the walls of the cubicles that Astrid recognized. It made her lip curl back into a vicious snarl, and when Heather's face appeared in the office, she couldn't help herself. She placed a hand on Hiccup's shoulder and stepped between the two of them.

"What are you doing here?" Heather asked coolly.

Astrid shifted her weight and cocked her leg in that feminine way that meant shit was about to get real. "I could ask you the same thing. Who let you in?"

"That's none of your business. Hiccup called me earlier and told me he wasn't feeling well, so I'm here to take him home. Right?"

She looked expectantly down at Hiccup, who reflexively nodded obediently. Astrid wanted to vomit.

He stood up slowly, trembling as he did so, and made it to Heather's side. However, before he left, he looked his girlfriend in the eye, and then did the unthinkable in her presence: he turned his head and looked Astrid directly in the eye.

"See you tomorrow," he said, smiling a sweet smile that was for her and her alone, "Thanks for worrying about me."

Shit, he was leaving with her. It was now or never.

Not giving a flying rat's ass that Heather was standing right there, she sidled up to Hiccup and pulled one of his hands behind his back, pressing something into it and closing his fingers over it.

"Anytime," Astrid said sincerely, flashing Heather a nasty glare.

Then she backed away, and watched as the two of them disappeared from her view yet again, cradling the hand that had just held Hiccup's to her chest.

000

Hiccup felt the piece of paper Astrid had slipped him, and had every intention of seeing what it was. So, when Heather signed them out at the front desk, he took his chance and opened it. When he saw what was written there, he bit his lip and his chest tightened terribly.

On that tiny scrap of paper, she had written her phone number, as well a smiley face following the statement, _Call or text me anytime, I'll answer. I'm really worried about you, babe. You're in trouble, aren't you?_

He nearly broke down right there in lobby. Finally, someone had thrown him a lifeline, a way out. Now all he had to do was grab onto it tightly and not let go.


	3. In My Arms

The instant Hiccup got into Heather's car and fastened his seatbelt, he said quietly, "I didn't call you to come get me."

Heather didn't reply. In fact, she didn't say anything for the rest of the drive home, and her silence more than if she had started screaming at him, twisted Hiccup's stomach into awful, tight, nauseous knots. She kept her silence despite his attempts to get her to talk to him, anything to ease the ringing silence, the deep, calm chasm before the wild raging storm. Every instinct screamed at him not to follow her up the stairs and into their apartment, but he did it anyway, as if pulled by an invisible leash. Oh who was he kidding? She did have him on a leash. A leash, harness, choke-chain, muzzle, the whole goddamn nine yards.

The instant she shut the door and locked it behind them, Hiccup felt his blood freeze in his veins.

"Tomorrow you're quitting your job," Heather said, twisting the knob to make sure it wouldn't budge. It didn't.

Hiccup shook his head in disbelief. "Why?"

"Because I don't want you to see that girl again. She's the one you kissed, isn't she."

He watched her sweep past him to the window in their tiny living room, where she locked it securely. Hiccup tried to keep his hands from shaking, and swallowed hard to stop his stomach from lodging itself in his throat. His chest began to grow tight, and an unbidden rush of adrenaline coursed through him, a grim vanguard to a panic attack.

"I went to high school with her, you know," Heather was saying, but it sounded like she was speaking underwater, "Perfect, stuck-up bitch who got all A's and was the one all the guys jerked off to in the locker room. Why the hell she'd be interested in you I have no clue. She must have really fallen from grace if she finds you attractive."

Hiccup stifled a whine of panic, and tried to speak to distract himself.

"So what if I quit my job?" he shrugged, "Where do you suggest I get another one? There are women on just about every work force no matter where you go."

"So then you don't get another job. You'll just stay here."

Hiccup's mouth dropped open, unable to believe his ears. "In the apartment? You can't be serious."

"Oh yeah, I'm real serious," Heather's voice floated out of the bedroom, and he heard another lock click into place, "It'll be just like it is in the Middle East where women are locked in their houses all day and only their husbands can lay eyes on them. I think it's about time men got to see what that's like."

He shivered, feeling boiling hot and freezing cold all at once, like half of his blood had forgotten to pick up heat on its journey through his heart. His legs shook, and he collapsed in one of the kitchen chairs, despair crushing him and flooding his system like a dark, evil disease. His heartbeat began to resemble a hummingbird's, and he could feel his throat trying to swell and constrict his air intake. She seriously intended to keep him as her prisoner, like a child with a special toy that no one was allowed to play with but her. A warm body she could yell at when she wanted to, slap around if she felt like it, and then fuck through the mattress if it pleased her.

He had known from the beginning of their relationship that Heather was a feminist, and that was okay with Hiccup; he was one too. But this…it made him say something he had never told her before.

"No."

Heather stopped moving around, and went completely still, staring at him with a blank, disbelieving look on her face. "You want to run that by me again?"

Hiccup narrowed his eyes, and stood up to his full height, which was a good head above hers. However, the effect was marred by the hand he had placed over his trembling heart, the paleness of his face, and the wheezy, sick-sounding breaths that escaped him.

"No," Hiccup said again, more strongly, "This is wrong. This is going too far. I'm not your prisoner. I'm also not your punching bag, or a means to fuel your warped version of a feminist agenda. I don't know if anyone has ever told you, but feminism is about men and women being equal, not…whatever the hell you think it is. I'm just as much of an adult as you are, so if I want to leave the apartment then I have every right to."

_That_ earned him a punch to the temple so hard it jarred his teeth and left him staggering. He was so dazed he couldn't lift his head, and it wouldn't have mattered if he could anyway; stars filled his vision.

"You shut the fuck up, you hear me?" Heather snarled above his head, "You lost all those privileges the moment you were born. Men think women can't think for themselves? What if the opposite was true all along? It's clear you don't know what's best for yourself, so don't worry about making those decisions anymore; I will make them for you."

Hiccup was trembling so badly he could barely stay upright, but with a great effort he managed to straighten up again. Still wheezing badly, he looked Heather straight in the eye. She looked like those religious fanatics who justified disowning their children or the killing gay people or whatever the hell because they thought it was okay to do in the name of God. The light was gone, and her eyes were cold and dead. She was serving some kind of god, or demon, or something, but Hiccup didn't want to stick around to find out what exactly it was.

"You're crazy," he said, shaking his head, "I guess I've known that for a while. But I can't stay here anymore, and I don't know if you should be left alone. I…once I get out of here, I'm going to call some help for"-

He never got to finish his sentence, because excruciating pain suddenly exploded in his lower belly, and he felt something _tear_. The air ripped itself from his lungs, and his legs gave out from the utter _agony_. He collapsed slowly onto the floor, hands clutching his groin, in a futile, instinctive effort to soothe the pain. But even as he lay there on the floor, she didn't stop. She wrenched his hands out of the way, and kicked him again, and again, and _again_. All the while, all Hiccup could do was moan weakly, a pitiful sounding lament that only expressed a fraction of the pain he was really in. A high pitched buzzing began in his ears, and his vision wavered, growing fuzzy and watery around the edges. He actually began to pray that he would pass out; anything to escape the hellish agony his body _throbbed_ with.

Then, miraculously, Heather hauled him up until he was sitting on the kitchen floor. Hiccup whined pitifully, his head lolling drunkenly on his shoulders. He felt something warm, wet and sticky squish against his rear, and glancing down between his legs, his only passing thought was Heather was going to need to clean up all that ketchup on the floor later.

Suddenly, she was right in his face, yanking his head back by his hair, exposing his tender throat for whatever she had in mind. "I'll give you one more chance," she hissed, "One more chance to take back what you said and tell me you're sorry. Come on baby, tell mama what she wants to hear."

Hiccup flinched, and an irrational spike of anger drove itself through his heart. "My mama lives far away," he whispered harshly, "How dare you call me that. I'd rather be dead than be locked up in here."

Heather shrugged and kissed his throat before saying, "Alright, just remember you said it."

And then she shoved him to the hard, kitchen floor, straddled his waist, and wrapped her dainty little hands around his neck. In an instant, they clamped down like twin vises, and Hiccup had time to think one, truly terrifying thought before all other thoughts shut down.

_I can't breathe!_

His self-preservation instincts kicked into high gear, flooding his body with adrenaline and screaming at him to start struggling. He tore at her hands, trying with everything he had to loosen them, all the while bending his neck backwards in a futile attempt to open up his airway. He fought to buck her off, but the damage she had wrought on his poor insides before hindered his efforts greatly. After a few moments, he started coughing and his vision began to turn black at the edges. A warm, languid voice sang at the precipice of his subconscious, asking him why he was fighting, telling him it was okay to stop and just go still. It would be easier, he supposed. His limbs were beginning to feel too heavy to move, his head too light to focus. Sleep seemed like a really good idea, he had been so exhausted lately...

So, the hands trying to pry Heather's fingers loose began to go limp, and his arms dropped to his sides.

At that moment, a screeching black ball of fur shot out of the back of the apartment like a demon from the bowels of hell. With a war cry, it launched itself at Heather's head, hissing and spitting. Suddenly the crushing pressure around Hiccup's neck went away, and he gulped in a huge draught of air so hard and so desperately it immediately sent him into a coughing fit.

For several, agonizing moments, Hiccup could only lay there on his back and focus on filling his starving lungs with precious, delicious oxygen, practically destroying his windpipe with the effort to suck it in. Oh, he felt so sick, so dizzy and weak, like someone had scoured his insides with a laundry brush. Everything hurt, and he didn't trust himself to get up without feeling like he would immediately collapse again in a heap of dead, shaking limbs. However, he did manage to roll onto his side, whimpering with the effort, and crack open his eyes to see his savior.

It was Toothless, and he was still attached firmly to Heather's head, claws out and hooked into her scalp, body fluffed up so that he looked three times as big. She struggled to tear him off, but the black cat held firm, scouring his claws across whatever flesh he could reach and burying his teeth deep into her skin. When he saw that Hiccup's eyes were open, he immediately leapt off and stood in front of his boy, arching his back and snarling like Satan himself, his little white teeth bared in the clearest warning ever uttered by feline kind.

_STAY THE FUCK AWAY FROM MY BOY, BITCH!_

Heather screeched something unintelligible, sounding remarkably like a cat herself, and chanced a lunge forward. However, Toothless growled loudly and slashed his claws forward, tail twitching, his green eyes flashing in a way that said he would hop back on her head in a second and remove every bit of skin left if she got one inch closer to his precious boy. Thankfully, she seemed to get the idea that the cat was completely psychotic, and hauled herself up from the floor, rushing to the bathroom to no doubt treat the deep lacerations that now decorated her face in a grotesque mosaic.

Hiccup took that moment to attempt to scramble to his feet. Easier said than done when you could barely feel your legs, and what you could feel of them was the consistency of rubber. He managed to get his legs underneath him, and like a newborn colt trying to figure out how to work the limbs for the first time, tried to push his heavy body upward. His legs held the weight for all of two seconds before they gave out and sent his lower half smashing back to the floor. He groaned, harsh and loud. His hands remained underneath him, elbows sticking out awkwardly while he gently leaned his forehead against the floor. His sides heaved with the air that whistled in and out of his raw lungs. His head was swimming the seven seas, and he could see sounds and smell colors. His stomach churned harshly, and Hiccup felt like if he moved wrong he would vomit all over the floor.

He felt a rough little tongue licking the side of his face, a few encouraging mews escaping around it. Letting his eyes roll to the side, he regarded his cat, whose eyes were round little moons of concern. His fur was still fluffed, but it was beginning to settle again. He pulled back and pawed at Hiccup's shoulder, his mouth open and pink around another loud meow. Hiccup sighed heavily, the air shaking as it left him.

"You're right bud," he rasped, "We have to get out of here." He worked his legs underneath him again, steeled himself, and muttered, "Come on, damn it, get up."

With a grunt, he hauled himself up onto his feet. Immediately, the blood rushed from his head down into his feet, and he stumbled for several steps until he caught himself against the door. He felt terribly faint, and he felt a stream of blood rush out of his backside with the new angle. His stomach rolled and heaved like a thunderhead, trying its hardest to turn itself inside out. Shaking his head and forcing his mind to take over his body for just one moment, he stood up again.

"Come on, Toothless," Hiccup said breathlessly, shucking on his jacket and holding his arms open. The black cat wiggled his butt and leaped into his arms, letting Hiccup zip his coat around him. After finagling with the lock, Hiccup limped outside and didn't stop until he was outside and all the way at the end of the street. But, no matter how badly his legs trembled, no matter how much his body screamed at him to just curl up in the snow where he stood and sleep away the pain, he didn't. He knew if he sat down, chances were good he wouldn't get up again.

Instead, he quickly reached into his back jeans pocket, and pulled out the little slip of paper Astrid had given him with her number on it. It was spotted with blood now, but it still served its purpose. He dialed her number in his phone with shaking fingers, and sent a feverish prayer to the heavens that she would pick up.

Someone up there loved Hiccup today, because after just three rings, Astrid's voice answered on the other end.

"Hello?"

Hiccup nearly sobbed in relief, and it took everything inside of him to tighten up his throat and keep his vocal chords from shaking too much. "Hey Astrid, it's Hiccup."

Oh _hell_ , his voice sounded like shit. It really wasn't a voice at all, just a pathetic squeak that could have come out an animal dying in a hunter's trap. Apparently, Astrid noticed too because her voice immediately took on a tone of alert concern as she asked rapidly, "Hiccup! Oh my God, you sound awful, are you okay?"

Under any circumstances, he could hear himself uttering sarcastically, _Gee thanks_ , but right now all he could feel was overwhelming relief at hearing the concern in her voice. The wounded animal he was right now latched onto it and wouldn't let go for the world. "No," he whimpered shakily, "No, m' not okay. I need help. I need help Astrid, _please_."

000

The instant Hiccup's pitiful little voice crackled in her ear, Astrid knew something terrible had happened. And the way he hadn't even tried to deny that nothing was wrong, the way he had straight up told her he needed help, _begged_ for it, had her heart aching in all sorts of ways too painful for her to describe.

She had just walked through her apartment door when he called, only had one arm out of the sleeve of her coat, but she didn't hesitate to slip it back through before she was trotting back down the stairs and out the door.

"Okay," Astrid replied, trying to sound calm even though her heart was beating in her temples, "Alright babe, you just stay where you are, okay? I'm going to come get you, stay where you are."

"Okay," he promised, "I won't move. Just…hurry Astrid. I don't feel good. I don't feel good at all. I just want to lay down and sleep."

Her breathing picked up and she ran the last few steps to her car, wrenching the door open and starting it all in one motion. "I know, sweetheart, I know," she soothed, "Can you tell me where you are?"

There was a pause that must have involved Hiccup looking at the street signs around him, before he said, "On South Salina. You know where that is? I'm at the end."

"Yeah, I do." She threw the phone on the passenger's seat and switched to speaker, pulling out of the parking lot without bothering to put on her seatbelt before speeding off down the road. There was silence on the other for a minute before she said worriedly, "Hiccup? Stay on the phone with me until I get there, okay?"

He sniffed. "Okay."

Oh yes, she was definitely going over the speed limit. "Can you tell me what happened?"

There was a heavy sigh at the other end. "Yeah. I didn't ask Heather to come get me today."

"I didn't think so."

"She took me home, and basically threatened to lock me in the apartment so that other girls couldn't look at me anymore. She got mad when I told her no and tried to leave."

Astrid swore, and Hiccup kept going. "So…yeah, she beat the shit out of me and tried to strangle me. Then my cat jumped on her and got her to get off. Oh yeah, I hope you like cats, because he's here with me. Heather hates him and I don't trust her not to kill him while I'm not there."

She paused as this information sank in, and nearly hit the car stopped in front of her. Jesus, had Heather really…? To Hiccup, that dumb, sweet kid who had the nicest smile in the world and told her she was pretty in her thrift shop dress? She felt like throwing up out her window.

Speaking of, there were sudden retching noises on the other line, and she waited until Hiccup was back on the line before she asked if he was alright.

"Yeah," he replied, and his voice was shaking badly, "Just threw up a little. Scared Toothless. Hurry, Astrid please, I feel really sick and everything hurts really bad."

That tore it. Astrid laid on her horn and passed a guy on a double yellow line, ignoring his middle finger in her rear view mirror. "I know, babe, I'm almost there," she said sympathetically, a hint of a plea in her voice, "Just hold on a little longer. Okay, there's South Salina, I'm going to turn down it right now…"

"Okay. I'm still here."

She mumbled to herself, craning her neck and resembling a giraffe as she scanned the street for him. "There you are, I see you! I'm coming!"

"Alright."

Astrid heard the phone click off the same time she saw Hiccup's figure in the distance lower it and stuff it back in his coat. Halfway up the street, she reached across the seat and threw open the passenger side door, gliding to a rolling stop. Hiccup practically dove into her car, collapsing on the seat with a long, low groan that made the hair on the back of her neck stand up. His head fell back against the headrest, exposing his lean, white throat.

And the dark, finger-shaped bruises that encircled it.

Hiccup opened his coat, and a black shape slunk out of it. The cat, Toothless she assumed, regarded her steadily, and then hopped into the back seat, where he sat down as obediently as any dog. In spite of herself, she felt the corner of her mouth quirking up in a half-smile.

"Yeah, I like cats," she said, "We'll drop him off at my place. He can even sleep on my bed if he wants. I miss not having cat hair all over everything."

Hiccup laughed, a hollow, wheezy noise that sounded like it hurt to produce. "Well, he'd be happy to change that for you. Cat drops fur like that sad Christmas tree in Charlie Brown."

She laughed for his sake, and then sucked it back in between her teeth when she caught sight of his seat, and subsequently the crotch of his jeans.

"Hiccup, you're bleeding!"

For some reason, those words made him shudder helplessly, and he put an arm over his eyes before admitting, "Yeah, I know. Can we please just go back to your place?"

Astrid bit her tongue against everything else she wanted to say, and simply started the car, made a three-point turn, and sped back out to the main road. They drove in silence for a minute, Hiccup keeping his arm over his eyes, as if afraid to show her the pained and ashamed look on his face, though he wasn't doing a very good job of it. She could see how tight his jaw was, see his Adam's apple bobbing as he swallowed over and over again like something was stuck in his throat and he couldn't force it down.

She could also see the moment his lower lip began to quiver and his chest began to hitch unevenly.

"I almost died," he whimpered, "I almost just _died_. The girl I thought I loved almost just killed me."

Astrid's grip tightened on the wheel, and worry swelled in her chest. She wanted desperately to say something to comfort him, but hadn't the first clue as to what that should be. She was afraid to touch him, for God's sake, afraid his fragile emotions would shatter into unrecognizable little pieces if she violated the sacred bubble of post-almost-death-experience that had hit him like an anvil. His chest heaved and his shoulders shuddered, and when he spoke again his voice was tight and wet with the threat of oncoming tears.

"How fucked up is that?" he said, "This girl took my virginity. She used to sing karaoke at bars with me and thought the umbrellas in the martini glasses were completely hipster. Heather was…a year ago I would have never _thought_ …"

And then it was like a switch was flipped. Whatever fragile dam had been holding back his emotions burst, and it burst _hard_. One moment he was trying to keep his composure and the next he flat out gave up and flopped forward, hugging his knees to his chest and rocking back and forth, burying his face in his knees. His thin back _heaved_ , and collapsed into a sob. There was no semblance of any self-control; it was the release of terror and the knowledge that his life had almost come to an end that day, and that he was lucky to riding in the car that moment and taking in the air he was at that moment. His sobs were loud and wet and utterly disgusting to his ears. He felt his face leaking all kinds of fluids; sweat, tears, snot, spit, and he didn't give a shit. His head was messed up in 50 different ways and there were too many emotions flying around at the speed of light to the point he thought he would burst.

He probably didn't even realize when Astrid pulled the car over onto the side of the road.

He also didn't realize at first when she placed her hand on one of his shoulders, and then the other.

However, he _did_ notice when she began to rub his back and say in the most comforting, tender voice she had ever used in her life, "It's okay. I'm here, babe. You're going to be okay."

Hiccup shuddered, before he dove into her arms and buried his face in her stomach, back heaving afresh. She felt him dig his nose between her ribs hard, as if he were searching for a sanctuary inside of her, a place where he could be protected and nourished by her blood and her warmth. A place where no one could ever hurt him again.

Well, damn it all if he hadn't found it, Astrid thought determinedly.

She wrapped her arms around him tightly, laying her face on his back and rocking him back and forth, letting him soak the front of her shirt. Nothing coherent escaped him for many minutes, and Astrid was okay with that. She rather he expel this poison from his body so that she could fill his empty vessel with the light of her care and love.

As long as he let her in his life, she would make sure love was all he ever knew from here on out.

"I'm here," she murmured into the back of his jacket, "You're safe, now. I've got you, and I won't let anyone hurt you ever again. You're not alone anymore."


	4. Come As You Are To Me

Astrid had driven Hiccup back to her apartment and ushered him and Toothless inside. Toothless had immediately leapt down from Hiccup's arms and began to explore the new environment, trilling excitedly, bushy tail straight in the air. Hiccup, meanwhile, remained in the doorway, swaying and blinking slowly, looking around like he didn't know how he had gotten there. His body was still exhausted and raw, and if he didn't hold on to something there was a good chance he'd collapse. Right now, he was leaning against the door and watching while Astrid clanged around in her small kitchen. She produced a small bowl, filled it with water and left it on the floor for Toothless, before approaching Hiccup again, sighing, and telling him they needed to do something about the fact that he was still bleeding steadily in his pants. He asked her fuzzily if she had a band aid, and she nodded steadily and replied that she had something like that.

So that was the story as to how Hiccup had found himself in the emergency room with one of Astrid's maxi pads in his underpants. Hey, at least the doctor had seemed impressed. It wasn't like the thing wasn't doing its intended job. And that was also the day Hiccup finally developed a healthy respect for the experience of menstruation; the damn thing kept sliding around and generally felt like an adult diaper. He couldn't imagine wearing one for a week every month.

Now, they were on their way back to Astrid's apartment with a prescription of painkillers and advice to stay off his feet for a while and get as much rest as possible. The bleeding had been the result of a couple of small veins in his rectum that had burst, but luckily there was no permanent damage to his internal organs, and the bleeding was slowing down now. Astrid still wanted him to wear a pad for at least tonight and into tomorrow. Bloodstains were a bitch to get out, she said, and even though she was a pro at removing them from her sheets, she didn't want to do it if she didn't have to. Hiccup could tell she was just trying to cover up how worried she was.

It was also worth mentioning that she had asked if the ER could document Hiccup's injuries so that they'd have evidence if they wanted to drag Heather into court and press charges, and Astrid had every desire to. Hiccup had protested at first, saying he was sick of her being part of his life and just wanted to start forgetting about her, but Astrid had insisted. Hiccup had eventually given up, too sick with exhaustion and in too much pain to put up a fight. He was sure his parents would be on Astrid's side anyway when he told them.

Oh Jesus, his _parents._ He had called his mother while they were in the ER, and she had been absolutely frantic when he explained why he was there. When he told her about Astrid and that her apartment was where he would be staying for now, Valka had immediately proclaimed that she was going to kiss that girl when she saw her. She also said that she and his father would be on the next plane out, telling him she loved him over and over again and trying to hold back tears. After they had bid their goodbyes with a promise that she would see him in the morning, he had heard her voice echoing with an authority that used to send him comatose states of terror when he was a child, a voice that commanded his father to start packing, "hurry up Stoick, our baby needs us!" Hiccup couldn't help but laugh, home feeling closer than it had been for many years.

Astrid helped him back through her apartment again, hooking his arm over her shoulders and leading him to a chair in her kitchen. He sat down heavily in it, and then groaned harshly when he forgot about his sore lower body. Toothless immediately bounded in from the back of the apartment and twined around Hiccup's legs. Hiccup scratched his head, watching as Astrid began to fly around the kitchen once more, taking out odds and ends.

"What are you doing?" he asked.

"Making you dinner," she said, placing a pan filled with water on the stove and setting it to start heating up, "You're skin and bones, Hiccup. Hope you're prepared, because I'm going to cook you something so heavy and warm, that not only will you conk right out tonight but you'll gain ten pounds while you do it."

A sleepy, stupid smile made its way to his face. "Sounds amazing." His empty stomach burbled pitifully in agreement. He shifted around, feeling the dried blood on his bottom pull at the skin uncomfortably. "Ugh, I'd really like to shower too, if you don't mind."

"Not at all," Astrid shook her head, "As long as you don't mind smelling like a banana smoothie when you're done. That's the flavor of my body wash. Also, I was thinking I need to stop by your apartment and pick up some things for you if you and Toothless are going to be here for a while."

Alarm immediately drove away the calming warmth flowing in his veins and replaced it with vicious ice. "No," he said immediately, "No, I don't think you should go back there."

Astrid poured some noodles into a measuring cup. "Babe, you need clean underwear. And Toothless needs his food and litterbox. I'm not letting him piss and shit in my closet."

"But Heather"-

"Sweetheart, I am not afraid of her. She gets near me, and I'm going to knock her the fuck out, alright? You just better hope she doesn't give me an early excuse to take revenge for you."

Hiccup wilted in his seat, flicked his eyes to the floor and insisted in a small voice, "But I don't want her to hurt you."

Astrid stepped away from the oven, and once she stood in front of him, she took his head in her hands and softly kissed his forehead. It felt like a warm butterfly had landed there, a warm, sweet smelling butterfly with tickly blond hair. She continued to hold his face, tilting his head up to look at her, before she assured him, "She won't hurt me. And you don't have to look at the floor anymore, alright? This is a safe place where you don't have to do anything that makes you uncomfortable. Besides, you have really pretty eyes, I want to see them."

Hiccup smiled up at her, closed his eyes and leaned his cheek into her right palm, nuzzling it with sleepy affection.

His stomach growled obnoxiously loud, angry that Hiccup was wasting his time satisfying the needs of his heart when it was so damn empty. Hiccup's eyes popped open and his cheeks filled with heat without his permission. Luckily, Astrid took in stride.

"Oh babe," she laughed sympathetically, pecking his cheek this time, "Alright, I'm hurrying, I know you're hungry."

Hiccup sighed unhappily when her wonderful, soft hands left his skin and instead busied themselves with the pots on the oven once more. He thought that he honestly wouldn't have minded starving if she kept touching him like that. It had been too long since someone had touched him in a non-violent, loving manner, and the part of him that craved that soaked it up as a cat soaks up the sun. He almost wanted to pull Astrid back and just ask her to run her fingers through his hair, screw it if it was weird. Touch was such an essential sensation to the human experience; it had the power to heal and destroy, to forge everlasting bonds and tear people apart. He couldn't believe he had tolerated being hit and hurt for so long when comfort had been literally within his reach this whole time.

Before he knew it, the delicious, rich smell of something saucy filled the tiny kitchen, making Hiccup's mouth water so fiercely his salivary glands actually ached a little. Astrid barely managed to set his plate in front of him before he was attacking his dinner with his fork. He felt her stunned eyes on him as she sat across from him to eat her own dinner, watching as huge mouthfuls disappeared down his throat with hardly a pre-functionary chew. He couldn't help it; the minute the heady smell had begun torturing him, the only disgustingly primal thought left in his mind was to fill his belly as quickly as humanly possible. The first plate was finished off embarrassingly fast before he was filling it again and eating once more at the same breakneck pace.

If he had known it, Astrid's appetite had completely fled at seeing him eat so desperately.

Hiccup only began to slow down halfway through his second plate, finally stopping when he polished off a third. Even then, he still felt the need to scrape up the sauce on the bottom, refusing to waste one scrap of food. Finally, his fork clinked to a stop, and Hiccup leaned back in his chair as far as he could without hurting himself. He felt dizzy with relief, and when he rested his arms across his belly it felt hard, and he could tell it had distended quite a bit to accommodate the massive meal.

"Thank you," he said sincerely, "Thank you so much, you're an angel, Astrid."

"Hiccup, when was the last time you ate?"

He shrugged dolefully. "I don't know. Lately I've been too stressed to eat much. It's…just a side-effect of dating Heather."

The silence that followed was awkward, and Hiccup felt the need to fill it with explanation. "I mean, it's not that I never ate, it's just sometimes I'd forget for a while, or I'd be too hyped up by nerves to get much down. So the times Heather would be gone for a while, I'd relax, and then I'd be so hungry I'd eat, like, everything in the apartment. Then I'd…I'd feel so guilty sometimes that I'd force myself to throw it up again later. Like I didn't deserve to eat enough to keep myself alive."

Astrid shook her head slowly, her face a perfect picture of shock and deep sympathy. She'd been wearing that expression a lot today, Hiccup mused wryly. "Hiccup…" she breathed, as if saying his name like she was on the verge of tears said it all. It really did, though.

"It's okay," he assured her quickly, "It's okay. I know that was bullshit thinking and only did it when I was at my most depressed. Like, that pasta was amazing." He gestured to his empty plate. "I have every intention of keeping it down."

He shifted, suddenly feeling very uncomfortable. Now that his hunger had been satisfied, the pain of his bruised insides began to assert itself in earnest. Everything from his lower abdomen to his upper thighs was a mess, and he could feel everything pulsing hotly with every beat of his heart. His face pinched into a tense grimace, and he tried not to whine through his teeth as he fought to find a comfortable position in the hard wooden chair. Astrid rose from her seat and walked around the table to his side.

"You're hurting, aren't you?" she murmured, placing a hand on his shoulder. Hiccup nodded, pressing his lips together in a thin line.

"You think it'd be safe to take those painkillers since I ate?" he asked, glancing up at her.

"Nah, I'd wait to take them right before bed," Astrid said, "Only because the minute they hit your stomach you are going to pass out hard, and you said you wanted to shower before bed. I'd prefer if you didn't faint in my shower and break your head open."

Hiccup nodded glumly, seeing her point. Besides, the hot water might actually help soothe some of the pain away. Astrid rubbed a hand up and down his back, before she let it travel up his neck and then run backwards through his hair. Hiccup shivered and sighed an involuntary moan, eyes closing against his will. When she pulled her hand away and said she should get going so she could come back sooner, Hiccup's eyes opened dazedly and he whined petulantly.

"Don't stop," he begged, "That felt good."

Astrid slipped on her shoes and said, "Oh honey, don't worry. If you want later I can stroke your hair until you fall asleep, okay?"

She began to slip on her coat, and his heart began to resemble a trapped bird in his chest. "No, don't leave! Please Astrid, I don't want you to go."

"Hiccup"-

He limped out of his chair and grabbed her hand with both of his, stopping her movements. His eyes were wide and pleading, filled with the terror that ripped through him at the prospect of being alone. Nothing good ever happened when he was alone; in the past, he had either drank himself into a coma, or spent his evenings tense and scared out of his mind as he prepared himself for Heather's inevitable return. In the light with Astrid distracting him with her company, the demons that hid in the dark waiting to chew him up and spit him out over and over again couldn't hurt him. If she left…

"Please don't leave me," he breathed pitifully, tightening his grip on her hand.

Astrid regarded him with a sigh, and he could tell she was getting frustrated. He felt terrible and immediately began to spill a string of apologies out of habit. He let go of her hand and backed away, and when she raised a hand to place on his shoulder, he flinched. Astrid retracted her hand, stunned into a standstill, unsure how to help the trembling mess of guilt and fear Hiccup had turned into. Her face shifted into one of heartbreak when he lifted his arms to wrap around himself, the only comforting embrace he had received for many years.

Slowly, she approached him again as she might a spooked colt. She murmured reassurances and made sure her movements were slow and deliberate. But Hiccup didn't wait for her to finish coming up to him before he pulled her into an embrace, pressing his face into her neck. His face was wet with the beginnings of stressed tears, and Astrid, bless her and the endless supply of patience she seemed to have with him, squeezed him back, rubbing his back reassuringly.

"Hiccup," she said softly, but firmly, "I know it's going to take a while for this to sink in, so I'll just put the thought in your head now. You don't have to apologize for every little thing, and you don't have to worry about me or anyone else hitting you ever again."

"I know, I'm sorry"-

"Hiccup."

Hiccup keened with frustration, crying a little harder and holding Astrid a little tighter to him. He felt so helpless, like his body was trying to tear itself in half and there was nothing he could do to keep it together. He clung to his only source of comfort like a lifeline, feeling sick with guilt that he needed her so desperately and she had to put up with his craziness, and yet it made him feel faint with terror to think about her walking through that door and then never see her again.

However, Astrid seemed to possess some magic ability to know exactly what to say to smooth his ruffled nerves, because a moment later she mumbled over his shoulder, "I want you to go shower and relax, alright? And if you get scared again, just tell yourself 'she's coming back. She said she's coming back and she will. I'm safe here. This is a safe place.' Once you say it enough, and then when I do come back, you'll see it's true and you'll start to believe it."

Hiccup shuddered and nodded into her neck, then with a rough sigh, he released her. Astrid then leaned up slowly and kissed his cheek; a reward for this small step and a comfort all in one motion.

She opened the apartment door and turned back to him. "I'm going to lock the door behind me, but it's not to keep you in here, okay? I figured you'd feel safer if the door was locked."

He nodded, still unable to form words. His hands tightened into fists at his sides, trying to keep himself for reaching for her again. He couldn't; she had rewarded him, he didn't want to go back on that. When Astrid stepped outside, she said, "Remember: 'she's coming back. I'm safe here.' I want to hear you say it before I leave."

Hiccup swallowed, and repeated the expected words, feeling calmer more from the approving smile Astrid flashed him than anything else. Maybe she was right. If she had faith in him he could do this, maybe he _could_ do this.

Then the door shut with a click, and he was alone.

Hiccup shook himself and looked down, seeing Toothless trot over and sit himself on his shoes. He was suddenly immensely thankful his cat was still here; it gave Hiccup an excuse to talk out loud and make the apartment not seem so quiet.

"Alright bud, I have my orders," he said, "Want to shower with me?"

" _Moooooowww."_

"Alright. Someone else might as well smell like a banana smoothie with me."

000

True to her word, Astrid actually returned before Hiccup made it out of the shower. That either said Hiccup was slow in the shower or Astrid had broken more speed records today, but either way, she made sure to announce her presence by knocking on the door. When he told her she was okay to come in, she laid her duffle bag on the floor of the bathroom that she had filled with as many of his things as she could manage. He thanked her, and she heard the relief in his voice as he did so.

"You didn't run into Heather, did you?" he asked cautiously.

"No," Astrid replied, "She wasn't there, and the apartment was unlocked."

"Huh."

He didn't say anything else for a bit, and the only sound that filled the space was the running water from the showerhead. Astrid decided to quickly change the subject. "Well, on the bright side I came back, just like I said I would, didn't I? And you sound safe enough to me."

Hiccup laughed, "Yeah, yeah, you did come back."

Then she left the bathroom to concentrate on getting herself ready for bed. It was getting pretty late, it had been one crazy, emotional day, and she was more than ready to just crash.

Soon enough, Hiccup emerged from the bathroom in comfortable looking pajamas, hair damp and Toothless following behind him, just as damp. The cat seemed quite pleased with himself as he trotted off to no doubt lick himself dry. Astrid smirked and walked up to him.

"Alright, let me see," she said, and placed her nose by his neck, taking a drag of his scent, "Yup, you smell nice and fruity."

"Man, I don't care if I smell like dog shit, I'm clean and that's all that matters," Hiccup shook his head, "Besides, you brought me my body wash from home so I won't smell like this tomorrow."

Astrid giggled. "Ah yes, the infamous body wash. You understand that whenever you walked a path a work you'd leave a trail of girls coming in their pants behind you every time you wore that stuff?"

"Did that include you?" Hiccup flashed her the biggest shit eating grin she had ever seen in her life, and all the eloquent Astrid Hofferson could do was stutter for a moment, turn red, and throw his bottle of painkillers at him.

"Dude, take your meds and go away," she huffed, and Hiccup only laughed harder.

Astrid nodded towards her bed while he popped the pills in his mouth and washed them down with water. "You can take my bed. With how much you're hurting, I don't want you sleeping anywhere else. I can take the couch."

Hiccup shook his head quickly and took her hand, leading her into her bedroom. "No," he pleaded, "You said you'd stay with me until I fell asleep. I don't want to be alone, and I know it's stupid, I'm sorry."

"Hiccup, I really am going to smack you if you apologize one more time," she said, but there was no heat in her words. When Hiccup still looked guilty, she softened and sat him down on the bed before sitting next to him. "I just don't want you to feel sorry for things that aren't your fault. The shitty part is you've programmed yourself to automatically say sorry for everything you think you do wrong, and you always think you're doing something wrong and so you constantly feel guilty. I don't want you to feel guilty anymore, babe. I want you to feel confident."

Hiccup bowed his head and sighed heavily, his head lolling slightly as the drugs began to take effect. "I'm a long way away from anything resembling confident."

Astrid nodded in agreement, and wrapped her arms around his shoulders, saying, "I know. But today is the last day of your old life and the first day of a new, better one. Your parents are going to be here in the morning and when you see them again, you're going to feel much better."

"Mhmm. I miss them." With another sigh, he turned slightly and gently butted his head against Astrid's shoulder, like a cat wanting attention. His eyes were closed, and it was clear he was shutting down before her eyes. The weight of the day was finally catching up with him to crush him, and his full stomach and warm, clean body just utterly finished him off. His head gained ten pounds against her shoulder in the space of five seconds, and he mumbled, "M' tired, Astrid."

Seeing him so sleepy, pliant, and adorable sent an unbidden rush of affection so strong through her that her eyes actually watered for a moment. Astrid kissed his forehead, and he murmured something happy in tone but intelligible as a response. Before she lost him entirely, she replied, "I know babe, let's get you tucked in then, shall we?"

Hiccup only had the strength to move while she opened the bed, and then he fell limply back onto the mattress. He fumbled for the blankets in a dreamlike trance, his eyes too heavy to keep open anymore. So, Astrid helped him by pulling the blankets back and tossing them back over him again until they were up to his nose. Then, she turned off the lights and climbed in with him. The instant he felt her weight dip the mattress beside him, he cuddled along the length of her, sliding down until his head was laying halfway on her shoulder. Astrid lay completely still while Hiccup shifted around, trying to get comfortable, until he found a comfy spot and let loose a half sigh, half moan that indicated he was content. Astrid only had to stroke his hair for all of about two minutes before his heavy breathing told her that he was sleeping and sleeping _hard_. His body had a lot of recovering to do, and a herd of elephants playing percussion in her bedroom would have only resulted in Hiccup snuggling down further in the blankets and then snoring in answer.

Oh, and it was all worth it. The warm body that clung so tightly to hers, that had indeed begun to snore away in her ear…the fact that she knew he was safe with her was the greatest relief and comfort Astrid had experienced in her twenty years of life.

And with that thought, Astrid buried her nose in his fruity-smelling hair, and fell asleep to the lullaby made of his warm scent and the cadence of his breathing.

 


	5. Rains Will Pour Down

There was a knock on Astrid's door at around 8 the next morning. At first, she didn't react, thinking she was imagining it. Then the sound began to get annoying, hammering at her sleepy, sensitive ears, and she burrowed further down into her blankets with a sigh, feeling her cheek rub against Hiccup's warm hair. She smiled at the feeling. It was a reminder of the precious person she was keeping safe and warm in her bed. It felt like he hadn't moved at all the entire night, so exhausted had he been. He was still buried deep in sleep and snoring rhythmically into her neck, his breath warm and moist on her skin.

The knocking grew louder and more insistent, and then Astrid's brain finally connected the dots. Crap, those were probably his parents, and they were probably frantic with worry over their son. Astrid breathed in deeply and hastily propped herself onto one elbow, scrubbing at her eyes. She flicked her gaze briefly down at Hiccup, smiling at how peaceful he looked. He looked very young with all the tension drained from his forehead and jaw, and his cheeks were flushed with heat and sleep. His lips were parted and his bangs were flattened messily to his forehead. Quickly, she pressed a kiss into his hair, and then reluctantly rolled away from him and left the warm nest. When the mattress shifted as she got out of bed, Astrid heard Hiccup murmur something into the pillow, and she watched as he slowly snuggled further down into the blankets and sighed heavily, before he continued snoring once more.

Throwing on her robe, she tied it on her way to the door. Just to be safe, she peeked out the peephole, and saw a woman in her field of vision that was basically the spitting image of Hiccup. Well, there was no doubt about who they were now. She unlocked her door and opened it, hair mussed and dried drool stuck to her chin.

"Hey," Astrid said softly to the woman and the mountain of a man standing next to her, "You must be Hiccup's parents."

The man nodded and held out a hand the size of her head so that she could shake it. How the hell had Hiccup come from someone like that? He was massive! "Aye," he answered, "I'm Stoick, this is my wife Valka."

"Nice to meet both of you," Astrid said, and she backed away from the door slightly, "Come in, come in. Sorry I didn't answer right away."

"No, it's alright," Valka assured her, "It's our fault. We shouldn't have come so early. It looks like we woke you up."

Astrid waved her hand dismissively, "Don't worry about it. Um, Hiccup's still asleep, like, dead to the world asleep, but if you wanted to check on him the bedroom's that way." She jerked her thumb over her shoulder.

Valka nodded, and then her and her husband swiftly made their way to into the bedroom. Astrid stood in the doorway silently, trying to be as unobtrusive as possible. Valka was leaning over Hiccup, and the look on her face in the dim lighting of the room spoke of a stunned silence so deep and cutting that Astrid felt it slice through her own chest. She seemed almost afraid to touch him, as if she wasn't sure who this person was that was buried under mountains of thick blankets, and if she did touch this stranger he would shatter like glass. Hesitantly, she touched his shoulder, and then, lighter than a whisper, she let the backs of her fingers brush his cheek. When Hiccup only exhaled heavily in response, Valka laid her palm over his cheek, reacquainting herself with the warm skin and dipping her face so that she could kiss his forehead. Stoick passed a hand up Hiccup's calf and let it rest on his knee, not taking his eyes off his face.

It was so private, and so primal and deeply instinctive, watching these parents reconnect with their grown baby, watching the desire to protect manifest itself in such a physical, loving way, that Astrid felt the need to leave and go sit in the living room.

The unfairness of this whole situation was finally beginning to sink in, and it was choking her in a way she had never thought possible.

000

Hiccup woke very slowly the next morning, and he woke feeling utterly exhausted. Well, that was stupid. Wasn't the entire purpose of sleep so the body could rest and rejuvenate itself? Yet he felt like he had become one with the mattress, like someone had pounded his body flat and smushed his head deep into the wonderfully soft pillow beneath it. And worst of all, he found he had no motivation whatsoever to get up. He really should; he had to pee really badly and his mouth felt painfully dry, but the urge to go back to sleep was so enticing…

He noted that Astrid wasn't in bed with him anymore, and this sent a little surge of alarm through him strong enough to clear some of the sleepy fog in his head. However, he heard her voice on the other side of the closed door, and was reassured that she was at least still in the apartment. Hiccup flicked his eyes up toward the digital clock by the bed and saw that it was after nine o' clock. Even so, knowing Astrid was here and he didn't have to be on the alert for the danger his mind imagined for him, he snuggled a little deeper into the fluffy blanket nest, figuring he could catch at least a couple more hours of sleep. The room was still dim, and everything was quiet and still, and it was so soothing to his nerves, which were always on a state of high alert anymore, that he began to relax and drift again almost immediately.

And then he heard two voices reply to Astrid's voice that he hadn't heard in a long time. At first, he thought they were part of his dream. Hiccup sucked in a breath through his nose, hoping the rush of oxygen would wake up his brain a little so it could process what was going on. But no, it wasn't a dream. Muffled though they were by the door, Hiccup would recognize his parents' voices anywhere.

Well, that was motivation for him to get out of bed. Motivation yes, but even so hauling his heavy, still painful body out of bed was a long, frustrating task. When he sat up, the room whipped around him for a minute, and he felt very much like he would faint. Well, at least he thought wryly, if he fainted he didn't have far to fall. Hiccup waited as his blood flow adjusted to the new angle his body was in, and then when he felt it was safe, he stood up. His legs actually held him up, and Hiccup again thanked Astrid for making him dinner; the food had lent new strength to his limbs that hadn't been there a few days ago.

Rubbing his eyes with one hand and yawning, Hiccup opened the bedroom door with the other and shuffled into the main room. Yes, his parents were definitely there, both of them sitting on the couch while Astrid had pulled up a chair from the kitchen and was talking quietly with them. She was still in her robe and pajamas and her hair had been hastily wadded back, so she couldn't have gotten up too much earlier than him. And looking at his dad, he was as huge and indomitable as ever, but his mom…oh God, his poor mother looked like she was a mess. Her hair was pulled back too, but there were fly-aways everywhere, and her clothes were wrinkled, and she looked so tired…

And he had missed her so _badly._

Astrid, who was the only one facing him, saw him walk out and greeted him brightly, "Hey, good morning, corpse. Seriously, I don't think you moved an inch all night. How are you feeling?"

"A bit better," he said absently. His eyes were fixed on his mom, and he had begun to tremble without even realizing it.

Both of his parents turned around to regard him at the same time, and Valka gasped once she finished taking him in. No doubt she saw someone she barely recognized: a half starved wisp with bruises on his exposed forearms and a goddamn pad in his pants because his ass was still bleeding. He probably looked at least ten years older than he was, and he certainly felt it for the first time, right there in Astrid's living room. Seeing his parents, the two faces that had been in his life since before he could remember brought everything into horrifyingly clear focus, and Hiccup felt faint and sick from it. Everything he had lost to become the abused, scared, shaking little coward that stood in front of the strongest people he had ever known…Hiccup was so ashamed and embarrassed that he couldn't even begin to articulate it.

Valka's face crumpled the same time Hiccup's did, and he could feel his throat growing impossibly tight. Seeing his source of childhood comfort triggered in him emotions he didn't remember feeling since he was a little boy. And despite his deep shame, his whole being, right down to his bones, _ached_ with the urge to be coddled and reassured, and to take in his mother's scent once more so he could imprint it in his memories again and re-associate it with comfort.

"Oh Hiccup…" she breathed, and that was all the encouragement Hiccup needed before he was racing over to the couch in a daze. His mother stood up to meet him, and he wrapped his arms around her desperately with a whimper of relief. He felt her arms squeezing him back while her hands rested on the back of his head and his shoulders. She sat down slowly once more, pulling him with her, and once they were back on the couch, Hiccup felt that he still wasn't close enough to her. Without even thinking, he fell into an old rhythm he wasn't even aware his body remembered and draped his legs across her lap, scooting as close as he could until he had pressed himself against her, practically sitting in her lap. His father was hugging him from behind, wrapping his arms around his wife and son, and Hiccup's tears flowed in earnest.

For one moment in that linear mess that had become his reality, he was safe, sandwiched as he was between the walls of warmth that were his parents' bodies. For one moment, the bruises became memories and the thought of blaming himself for the blows inflicted upon him seemed ludicrous.

For one, quiet moment in between the lightning strikes in the storm, he was home.

000

Hiccup probably would have just sat with his parents like that for the rest of his life if his body hadn't reminded him that it needed things as much as his heart did. For one thing, he needed to empty his bladder like _right now,_ otherwise if he moved wrong he'd be emptying it all over the couch.

But thankfully he made it to the bathroom in time, and even better, it looked like he had stopped bleeding. He would take the small mercies wherever he could grab them.

For another thing, the instant that pain was relieved, more pains happily replaced it. His stomach yawned into a cavernous black hole of fitful hunger, shocking Hiccup thoroughly. After how much he had stuffed into his gut last night, he didn't think he'd ever be hungry again, but he supposed it was connected to the reason why he was still so exhausted even though he had slept for nearly eleven hours. His body had a lot of eating to catch up on as well as rest, and now that it had gotten a taste of both it wanted more and it wanted it _now_. Also, the pain in his lower body had returned with a fiery vengeance, making him feel thoroughly miserable.

So he tip-toed from the bathroom and peered at Astrid through his sleep mussed bangs, belly complaining angrily, and softly asked if she wouldn't mind, possibly, "only if you want to, I mean you've already done so much for me and I don't want to eat everything in your apartment…"

But Astrid shook her head, smiling crookedly, and got up from her seat to place a hand on the back of Hiccup's head and kiss his temple. "I'm hungry too, babe," she admitted, "I think I can make breakfast."

Before she could even ask, Valka was on her feet and offering her help in cooking breakfast. Astrid said she didn't have to, but Valka was insistent, and the soon the women were busy clanging around and chatting up a storm. Hiccup was content to just sit on the couch with Stoick and lean against him, soaking up his dad's heat contentedly. The great thing about being Stoick's son was that Hiccup always got to feel little no matter how old he got; having a seven foot father was great like that sometimes.

In no time at all, breakfast was ready and a comradery was formed between Astrid and Valka based on the boy they shared. Hiccup of course wolfed his down like there was no tomorrow, but at least his dad was there and eating just as eagerly as he was so that he didn't feel so bad.

"When did you guys get in?" Hiccup asked once he started slowing down in his eating.

"Around four in the morning," Stoick answered, "We're staying in a hotel nearby. As soon as the tires of the plane hit the runway your mother wanted to come see you, but I told her that you would probably be tired and you were safe where you were."

"He was right, in the end," Valka said, shaking her head, "Didn't stop me from worrying myself into fits last night, though. Didn't sleep at all. Finally convinced Stoick to let us go at eight this morning. I still feel so bad for waking you, dear." She said this last part to Astrid, who waved her fork dismissively.

"Oh, don't worry about it," Astrid assured her, "I was up anyway, you know, keeping an ear open for you guys so that I could open the door when you came in."

"She told me you were asleep," his mother told him, "But I couldn't help it, I had to check on you when I got there. You were dead to the world at that point, but seeing that you were alive after what you told me on the phone last night helped me feel so much better."

Hiccup nodded. "And I'm glad you guys are here. I feel a lot better now." He took his pain pills as soon as he put down his fork, the languid throbbing making his appetite flee and the food that was already in his stomach churn nastily. Besides, he had a feeling that would be what his day would consist of today; sleep, wake up, eat, pain pills, repeat. He felt too heavy everywhere and in every sense of the word to do anything else today anyways.

"When were you guys planning on going home?" he asked.

"Tomorrow," Stoick affirmed.

"Can I go with you?"

Valka said, "Baby, we were planning on you coming home with us. We didn't think you'd want to be here anymore after…everything."

There was a pause, where Hiccup glanced at Astrid, who met his eye, and then he glanced back to his parents.

"Can Astrid come home with us?" he asked in a small voice. It was pathetic, but the idea of leaving without her ached and made him scared in a way he didn't want to think about or he wouldn't be able to breathe. Oh, but then the guilt was back, because he was being such a jerk assuming she'd want to go with him when she had no reason to leave this place. What was wrong with him?

"I mean, she doesn't have to if it's too much trouble," Hiccup added hastily, and then to Astrid said, "You have a life here and I don't want to take you away from it."

Stoick and Valka glanced at each other, before Valka said meaningfully, "Of course she can come, Hiccup. She means a lot to you, and I want you to be surrounded by as many people that care about you as we can manage."

"Of course I want to go," Astrid said, looking at him incredulously, "I'd be too worried about you to focus on anything here anyway. I don't know if you realized this or not, but you're pretty important to me, Hiccup. As long as your parents are okay with it, I'll take a leave of absence from work and take the return trip home with you guys."

Hiccup felt like a huge weight that had been crushing his chest before had suddenly lifted. In reality, he had been scared that if Astrid stayed here, Heather would find her and do something awful to her in place of him. But if she was with them, he'd be able to rest a lot easier.

Soon enough, the pain pills began to kick in hardcore, and Hicup began to nod off right at the table. When he started snoring softly in his seat and then waking himself up with his snores, Valka figured it was high time he went back to bed.

"Alright baby, let's get you back in bed and you can nap," she said, leading him away with a hand pressing on his upper back gently.

"And while you're doing that, we have some important things to do," Astrid winked.

Hiccup moaned with distress at that, and quickly gave his mother his biggest, most wide-eyed beseeching look he could managed before begging, "Don't go! Stay, please? I don't think I can be by myself yet."

Valka clucked sympathetically and squeezed his shoulders in a one-armed hug before she assured him, "Don't worry, I'll stay right here. I think your dad and Astrid can handle the grown-up things while you rest and get better."

Hiccup nodded slowly, only half awake now, and gave soft grunt of assent. After his mother had led him back into the bedroom and shut the door, he dove back into the blankets and curled around them like they were a long-lost friend. He was very sleepy and his body was drowning in bone-deep exhaustion, but he still didn't conk out until after his mother was sitting on the bed beside him and touching his face reassuringly.

He had a passing worry that he would never be able to sleep on his own again, before nothingness engulfed him and it didn't matter anymore.

000

Hiccup was woken by the sounds of angry grumbling and harsh whispers outside the door a few hours later. He already felt quite a bit better, his nap having accomplished its job. He could hear his mom's voice talking with the irritated sounding voices of Stoick and Astrid, and as soon as he righted himself he got out of bed and decided to investigate.

"What's going on?" Hiccup asked, voice crackling roughly. He rubbed one of his eyes absently, trying to forceful wakefulness into it.

All three of them turned to look at him at the same time, and Hiccup knew that they had just been talking about him. Crap. Still, Stoick's teeth were grinding so hard it looked like he was going to start spitting out tooth powder at any minute, and Astrid's face was turning purple with rage.

But the real kicker was the angry tears beading up on her lower lids.

"They went to the police station while you were asleep," Valka explained, coming to stand beside him, "They were going to file a report against Heather and give them all the evidence so that you would have a good, solid case in court. But"-

"That stupid bitch got there first," Astrid growled.

Hiccup shook his head, disbelief cold and icy in his veins.

"Yeah," Astrid continued, "She got there first and filed a report. But you know what she said in hers? Get ready for the biggest load of horseshit you've ever in your life. In the report she filed, she claimed _you_ were the one abusing _her_."


	6. You Are Worthy

The happily drowsy thoughts buzzing through Hiccup's mind screeched to a halt and his breath left him in a rush, like he had been punched. He felt the color drain from his face and he took a step backwards without realizing it, as if backing away from Astrid's news.

Speaking of, Astrid's tears had begun to run slowly down her cheeks and her hands squeezed themselves tightly into fists. "I'll kill her," she was snarling through her tightly gritted teeth, "I'll fucking kill her! After everything she did to you, after she nearly _killed_ you, now she has the balls to go and do this…!"

Hiccup immediately went to her side and, unsure of what to do but wanting to stop her tears, he just did what she had been doing for him to make him feel better. He tentatively wrapped his arms around her shoulders and pulled her to his chest, placing his head atop of hers without a word. Astrid less loose a furious sob and gently gripped his forearm, returning the embrace.

"Where's Heather now?" he asked softly, almost afraid to hear the answer.

"In police custody," Stoick spat, "For her 'protection.'"

"You mean they believe her?" Valka asked incredulously.

"They said they weren't jumping to conclusions just yet and a hearing is going to have to take place to sort all of this out," her husband replied, "But I'm inclined to believe that is the biggest load of shit I've ever heard. Of course they think she's telling the truth. Women come in to report abusive husbands and boyfriends all the time, but how many men do you think come in with complaints of abusive wives or girlfriends? Few, if any. And because there are no complaints filed, they think it never happens, so when one _does_ come forward, they think he's lying."

"Because apparently women can't be abusive," Astrid growled from under Hiccup's chin, leaning the side of her face against his warm throat, "That's what this asshole at the station said. I told him I'd prove him wrong right now and nearly leaped over the counter and snapped his fucking neck."

"And I nearly let her," Stoick added, "Hell, I nearly _helped_ her jump across that counter."

Hiccup squeezed Astrid a little tighter, fear making his heart beat far harder than the muscle was designed to, and said in a trembling voice, "But I didn't do anything."

Valka came over to stand next to him and place a hand on his back. "We know you didn't, baby."

"We're going to get this sorted out, son," he said, placing one massive hand on Hiccup's head, "There's overwhelming evidence against Heather, and they can't ignore that."

"And I'm a witness," Astrid nodded against his chest, "And I have friends at work that could act as witnesses too. You're going to be fine."

"I can't go to prison, I didn't do anything!" Just the thought made him feel nauseous, and Hiccup began to feel dizzy with terror. He lost his balance slightly as the room began to tip, and Astrid and Valka had to help him keep his feet, all the while he kept murmuring, "I didn't do anything," over and over again. As if that would be a viable defense at the stands.

He heard soft words speaking nonsense comforts all around him, but couldn't process them anymore, blinded as he was by the terror produced by a vision of his future in jail. His arms locked around Astrid and he couldn't summon the will to let go, like if he did he'd slip off the edge of chasm of despair that had opened behind him. He could feel tears stinging at his eyes, and out of habit he tried to blink them back.

 _Don't cry, don't cry_ , the conditioned part of his brain warned him hastily, _Pain happens when you cry. Stop crying, please stop it, she'll hit you!_

His fear only grew when he couldn't find it within himself to stop. Astrid helped him over to the couch, where she lowered him into a sitting position and started shushing him. When he didn't respond, she started stroking the skin on the back of his arm and crawled into his lap. He barely noticed her attempts to soothe him; his vision was turning white and his brain had begun a helpless spiral into hysteria, torn apart by his desire to cry and his conditioned response not to cry. It sent him into a panic, and suddenly he couldn't breathe. He heard voices on the edges of his hearing telling him, "don't cry, please stop crying, breathe!" but he couldn't tell who they belonged to anymore.

Hiccup saw a hand raise itself quickly in the corner of his vision, and he flinched violently, striking out at the hand and making contact with it. He hid his face in Astrid's neck with a cry of fear, and his body tensed itself in preparation for the expected blow, the blow that always followed the instant his eyes began to glisten and his chin began to quiver. The blow that always followed after the sharp bark that told him to grow up and cut it the hell out, the blow that would bruise his sensitive skin and permanently damage his psyche. It was coming, and when it did it wouldn't stop…!

When it didn't, he raised his eyes tentatively to see Valka cradling her hand to her chest, her face pinched with deep pain.

Oh God, he didn't…

Not… _oh mama, no, I'm so sorry…!_

Someone keened, high and shrill, and he felt the sound leave his throat but couldn't connect it to himself. His chaotic thoughts reached a deafening crescendo and an awful ringing nearly made his eardrums burst. However, his poor, tortured body took pity on him, and finally took it upon itself to drain the blood from his head and fill his vision with peaceful blackness.

000

When Hiccup woke, his head was pounding and he could hear the blood rushing in his ears. It sounded remarkably like waves crashing upon a shore deep inside him. With a groan, he opened his eyes. His vision flashed white for a moment, then faded to indiscernible blurs, then the recognizable shapes of Astrid's room. The curtains were drawn and everything was cast in comfortable, cool shadows. He realized he was laying on her bed, and the blankets had been drawn up around his shoulders, wonderfully comfortable and fluffy. His pillow was quite soft and smelled so good, like a banana smoothie, but it was a bit bony…

Oh.

Nuzzling his nose experimentally, he realized his pillow was in fact Astrid, and his head was on her stomach. He lifted his head slightly so he could see her face, and when he did he saw that she was dozing off. Well that was alright, he supposed, he wouldn't mind going back to sleep either. Her fingers were loosely entwined in his hair anyway, keeping where he was, and Hiccup used that as an excuse to hunker back down, sigh contentedly, and close his-

Then it all came flooding back; the fear he could taste, his mother's face, and the tears. His eyes popped back open and his heart began to pound, forcing his body out of if it's calm, drifting limbo and into painful wakefulness. It was suddenly imperative that he knew where his mother was so that he could find her and throw himself at her feet, groveling and begging for her forgiveness with everything he was worth. Tentatively, he hefted himself onto his elbows, nudged Astrid and said her name softly until, with a jerk, she awoke.

"Oh God," she breathed, rubbing at her eye with her free hand, "I shouldn't have fallen asleep."

"Astrid?" Hiccup said her name again, too afraid to raise his voice above a murmur.

She flicked her gaze down to him, and when she saw that he was awake her face broke into a pleased smile. "Hey, babe. You awake this time?" She sat up slightly and twisted around to turn on her desk lamp so that she could see him better.

He raised an eyebrow. "This time?"

Astrid gave him a gentle, empathetic look. "I figured you wouldn't remember. You actually only passed out for about a minute, but then when you woke up you just started screaming bloody murder and fighting anyone that tried to touch you. The way your eyes were though, even though they were open, we knew you weren't really awake and seeing us. That and…"

Hiccup stared at her expectantly, and prompted, "And?"

Astrid sighed heavily, "You kept begging us not to hit you."

Hiccup flinched like he'd been punched in the stomach, and it certainly felt like he had. His insides froze and his blood felt icy cold.

"We did manage to calm you down, though," she continued hastily when she saw his pained expression, "You fell asleep after that, although you've been talking in your sleep pretty much this whole time. I don't think you got much rest."

Hiccup shook his head. Now that she mentioned it, he felt like he had just finished running a mile, his mind jittery and his nerves quivering.

"Where's my mom?" he asked quietly, staring at the quilts.

Astrid paused, seeing the sick guilt pass across his face the same time it squeezed his chest, and reassuringly began to rub the back of his neck. "She's at your apartment getting all of your things so she can bring them back here."

"And my dad?"

"Back at the police station. I actually got off the phone with him right before I fell asleep with you. He said they've finally scheduled a hearing date for your case. That's the good news. The bad news is that it's three months from now. But your dad said that in the meantime, they can mandate a restraining order against her if it comes to that, and I'm all for that, gotta be honest."

Hiccup felt weak suddenly, and with a groan he laid back down again and curled up with his back to Astrid. He felt the bed shift as she sat up to try and see his face, but he didn't really think there was much to see. All the turmoil was on the inside.

He had hurt his mother. _His mother_. How…there were no words. He had fought all of them like they were his enemies, had been such a terrible burden the moment Astrid had accepted him into her own. Heather was right; he was a piece of shit, the lowest form of life the world had created. Worms were Christ-figures compared to him. He didn't deserve to be touched, didn't deserve Astrid's comfort, or her sympathetic gaze, or her warm bed. He didn't deserve to have her food filling his stomach, or her patience and desire to help him. He deserved to be tossed out in the cold to starve or freeze to death. He wasn't worthy of anything remotely wonderful that the world had to offer.

He deserved to be trapped back in that apartment with Heather so finish what she started.

Hiccup didn't realize he was mumbling this out loud until Astrid commanded firmly, "Hiccup, _enough._ Look at me."

He shook his head and buried his face into her blankets, wishing the Devil would just come and collect what was rightfully his. But instead of Satan, an angel gently turned his face so that he was looking her in the eye. Well, Astrid looked like an angel, a halo of light around her head from the desk lamp shining behind her. Her eyes were narrowed, and she looked so furious that Hiccup tensed himself in preparation for her to start yelling at him, or to strike him like he deserved.

So he was very, _very_ surprised when she took his face in her hands, leaned down, and desperately pressed her lips against his.

It wasn't really a kiss, more like an angry clashing of teeth, and Astrid's fingers were digging into his jaw. And when she pulled back, her eyes were filled with tears.

"Listen to me, Hiccup Haddock," she whispered harshly, planting a hand on either side of his head and gazing down at him intently, "I'm only going to say this once: you are worth it. To me, to your parents, to your friends, to people you haven't even met yet. Don't know how anyone could possibly think so? Well let me tell you right now and you better shut the hell up and listen."

Hiccup could only stare up her, wide-eyed as a frightened doe.

"I can't speak for other people who love you, but I can speak for me. Despite what's been said, there is a bright, gorgeous, _beautiful_ soul inside this sweet, dorky packaging that I would _kill_ to protect. Do you understand me? I would end other people's lives if they tried to end yours. That's what you inspire in me, in your parents; the desire to protect and love. That's the essence of being human, Hiccup, you inspire other people to act fucking _human_ and to pull their heads out of their hypocritical, dead, biased, racist, sexist, disgusting asses.

"You know, before I met you, I was this cold, heartless bitch who didn't think I deserved to be happy and was going to be alone the rest of my life because I didn't anyone would want to deal with me. And then…I saw you, and now it's like that person never existed. You made me feel like I deserved to be happy, that I could make other people happy, that I was pretty and confident. I felt like a lump of ice and you turned me into an actual person that saw that…that offing myself wasn't the answer."

Hiccup gasped and bit back a sob, trembling like a leaf in a hurricane.

"When I saw you were in trouble, it gave me a purpose, and I can never thank you enough for that. And now I find that you actually like me back, that you find _me_ worthy of affection, of your attention…do you have any idea what that means to me? It made start to hope, Hiccup! You made me…"

Her arms were trembling hard, and she lowered herself down to bury her face in his neck, her back shuddering with her sobs. She slid her arms underneath him and Hiccup wrapped his arms around her, leaning his head against hers. He was crying in earnest now too, but at least Astrid's sobs were just as wet and disgusting as his. She drew in a breath, and finished her rant in his ear in a whisper.

"You made me want to bring other lives into the world too. If it's with you, I'll do anything. That's what you mean to me, understand?"

Hiccup could only cry and hold her to his chest, wanting to believe her. Astrid didn't lie about things like this, though. She told him things straight up, and if she thought he was special, if he was that precious to her and to his parents…

Maybe…he _was_.

Just then, he heard a quiet sob on the other side of the open bedroom door, and he knew immediately who it was. Looking at the empty doorway, he hesitantly called for his mother, and her figure immediately appeared. She was covering her mouth and her eyes were red-rimmed, her shoulders shuddering. Hiccup wondered how long she had been standing there, but she had obviously heard enough. Astrid lifted her head and regarded Valka as well, before getting off of Hiccup, suddenly feeling self-conscious that she was laying on top of him in front of his mother. Hiccup sniffed and held his arms out towards his mom, a silent plea for her forgiveness and a need to know she still loved him all in one motion. Without hesitating, she crossed the room in two strides and scooped up her son in her arms, sitting beside him on the bed and holding him tight. Astrid respectfully moved out of the way but kept one hand on Hiccup's shoulder.

"I'm so sorry mama," he mumbled into his mother's neck, "So sorry. I love you so much! You don't have to forgive me if you don't want to, but"-

"No, baby," Valka assured him, "Oh no, no, I was never angry with you. I love you too. And Astrid's right, you know. You _are_ worthy, and there's nothing you can do or say to convince me otherwise. Oh, shh…don't cry, don't cry love…"

But Hiccup couldn't stop, no matter how hard he tried. He was simply too overcome to think, to breathe properly. What Astrid and his mother were saying was too good to be true, and he couldn't take it. The beautiful words were filling his chest to the point where he felt it would burst, but they weren't sinking into his heart. At least, not yet.

However, from how tightly his mother was squeezing him, infusing him with all the light, warmth and innocence of his childhood, and Astrid, who was rubbing his arm and illuminating his new future like a quiet, lovely sunrise, he thought one day he might be able to believe them.


	7. Hope Will Grow

Hiccup took the flight home with his parents the next day, still an emaciated, exhausted emotional wreck, but he didn't feel as frightened anymore. He had three people and one cat holding him up, and that was more than he had had for years.

Once he returned home, he slept and slept like he hadn't slept in years. It scared him at first that no matter how many hours of sleep he got a night, he always needed a nap or two during the day, and then he was still tired enough that he went to bed early, but he was told this was normal. When he wasn't asleep, his mother was spoiling him rotten, cooking copious amounts of all his favorite foods and forcing them on him every chance she got. And when she wasn't around, Astrid took her place, or worse, when both of them were around, they double-teamed him.

In that aspect, Hiccup recovered quickly, and he could see the relief in his parents' and Astrid's faces when all of his bones began to disappear under layers of fat he had desperately needed. His bruises faded in time as well. Eventually, he filled out completely and his color became healthy once more, and Astrid definitely noticed the difference. That first morning he had come out of his room, noticeably ruddier and seemingly five pounds heavier overnight, Astrid had taken his face in her hands and kissed him very soundly, not caring that his parents were eating breakfast right behind her.

"Hello gorgeous," she had said, and Hiccup's face went completely red even as he laughed like a giddy little boy.

Hiccup often felt bad that he had taken Astrid away from her job, but she informed him that she was actually doing her a favor.

"The only reason I took that job because it was the only place out of hundreds I applied to that wanted me," she had explained, "I'm not going back there. Now that I'm here, I'm actually much closer to my parents."

He had been reassured by that, and had said feverishly that he was never moving that far away from his parents again. The two of them still agreed that they needed to find jobs while they were here, and eventually find a place together. Everything was finally looking up for the first time in forever.

Until the first time Heather had texted Hiccup.

Then the floodgates opened. That text led to at least two hundred a day, twenty calls, all with messages that differed in mood. They ranged from _Hey, call me, I miss you_ to _If you don't answer I'm going to show up to your fucking house and murder everyone there_ , to _Baby please answer me I'm miserable I can't live without you I love you so much._

After that, Hiccup's anxiety level shot through the roof, his entire body constantly tense against his will in preparation for Heather to show up at his door. She was several states away, but his terrified mind didn't understand logic. He jumped a foot in the air at every loud noise, flinched every time someone made a sudden move, and apologized profusely for the smallest, stupidest things. He began to resemble an abused dog; he'd walk around everyone like they were going to shout at him at any moment, refusing to meet anyone's gaze, and there was always a subtle quiver to his frame that spoke of his ever-present fear.

Fear of rejection. Fear of pain. Fear that behind every kind face, even those of his own parents, was an ugly mask of hate.

That was probably around the time the night terrors started.

Oh God, they were _awful._ The first one happened while Astrid wasn't home, but Valka and Stoick had filled her in. Hiccup had been watching t.v and had fallen asleep without meaning to. Not too long after, he had woken screaming at the top of his lungs, and when his parents had gone to console him, it was impossible. He had fought them with everything he was worth, his eyes open but not seeing them, and in the end his father had to restrain him before he hurt someone or himself. When he snapped out of it, his body going limp after tiring itself out, he didn't remember what had happened. He seemed so lost and confused, and the adrenaline still flowing through his body made him shake horribly. His mother laid there with him on the couch until Astrid returned, and when she did she could hear Hiccup moaning that he felt very sick and very faint. And indeed, when she caught sight of him, his face was white and waxy, and even his fingertips had been drained of color.

From then on, Hiccup had been too afraid to sleep on his own. It physically pained Astrid to see him come to her or his mother, red-faced and embarrassed, and ask if they could spend the night with him. Or, sometimes, Astrid would wake in the middle of the night in the guest bedroom to Hiccup crawling in bed with her, obviously ashamed of himself and ready to release his torrent of "I'm sorry"s. But usually Astrid would shush him the moment he opened his mouth to speak, and simply open the blankets for him. He would dive in without another word and spend the night clinging to her like she was the only thing he could depend on in life anymore.

The night terrors escalated and went from being an every-once-in-a-while occurrence to a nightly terrorist. A full night of sleep became a distant memory for everyone in the house, but for Hiccup most prominently. He never remembered what the actual dreams were about, or at least that's what he said, but Astrid could take a guess.

Heather's stalking escalated as well, until he and Astrid finally, to their utter shock, ran into her one night. It turned out that she flew up, unable to wait and finally growing desperate enough. However, she wasn't too happy when he rejected her and plainly told her that she couldn't control him anymore, not to mention there was an emergency restraining order enacted against her and she could get into a lot of trouble if they reported her. At least it seemed she was angry when she slammed him face first into a brick wall and began snarling obscenities at him, telling him he was a spineless piece of shit, always had been always would be, and he'd come crawling back to her when he wanted a real woman again. Astrid had leapt on her, snarling like a wildcat, and thrown her off, threatening to call the cops. After that, Heather had left, baring her teeth and promising to have Hiccup persecuted and thrown in prison to rot.

Traumatized afresh, he had relapsed quite severely after that. The final straw had been when she had caught Hiccup forcing himself to vomit his lunch in the toilet. She had practically yanked him away and wrestled him to the floor, where she held him so tightly he couldn't move. And, with the greatest of efforts, she ignored his pitiful begging to let him finish.

She sat there with him on the cold tile floor, their combined heavy panting the only sound in the entire house, for what seemed like an eternity and a second at the same time, before she finally asked him why the hell he was doing something so stupid.

"Because I fucking give up," Hiccup moaned forlornly, "I'm tired of this. I'm so tired, Astrid!"

"I know." She started to rock him back and forth as she felt the cracks in him begin to form.

"I'm tired of feeling guilty, I'm tired of feeling like a mentally unstable pain in the ass to my family, I'm tired of making my mother cry almost daily, I'm tired of making my dad hold me down so I don't hurt anyone who's just trying to help, and I'm tired of you wasting your energy on caring about me when I've done nothing to deserve it."

Before she could retort, Hiccup finished in the quietest of whispers to the ear and loudest of shouts to the soul, "I'm done…let's just find a way for me to die so everyone can find some peace."

That was the moment she heard the cracks widen before he finally shattered. It scared Astrid more than she could say that she couldn't find it in herself to yell at him and instead just broke down crying with him.

Needless to say, after that, Astrid talked Hiccup into going to see a therapist. It was the first time in a long time they began to see a remarkable improvement. And of course, Astrid always seemed to know ingenious ways to get him to practice what the therapist told him to do at home.

"One thing at a time he said, remember?" Astrid said gently when Hiccup began to grow frustrated that he wasn't improving faster, "He wants you to focus on fixing one thing at a time. You're not going to get better overnight, and it's going to take a lot of work."

Hiccup raked his fingers roughly through his hair and huffed, "But how am I supposed to change my way of thinking? This 'cognitive-behavioral' therapy seemed a lot easier on paper."

Astrid sighed and carefully grabbed his forearms, pulling them down and forcing him to face her. His eyes immediately went to the floor, and she lowered herself so that she was in his line of sight and began to rise; a trick she learned that could get him to look her in the eye again and to lift his head. The therapist said that confident posture was an important step in making him feel confident on the inside.

"Well, let's pick one thing you want to fix," she said, and she was more proud of him than she could say that he held her gaze.

Hiccup blinked rapidly and screwed up his face into a thinking expression. "Well, I guess I want to stop feeling guilty."

Astrid nodded, "Okay, so we just have to get you to stop saying you're sorry so much. How about every time you don't say you're sorry for something that wasn't your fault, you get a reward. It'll be like how they train dogs."

Hiccup rolled his eyes, but he was smiling when he said, "Oh, so I'm your dog now?"

She laughed as she added, "Yup. Now we just have to find out if you're motivated by food or playing."

He snorted and shook his head. Then, Astrid said seriously, "No, I mean it. What kind of reward would motivate you? What would you be willing to work for to get? Hmm…I know. How about every time you do what you're supposed to, you get a kiss. Every time you do apologize, no kiss."

Hiccup looked so hurt that she started laughing again, doubling over when he said in a wounded voice, "But Astrid, that's not fair!"

She straightened up and tapped his chest with one forefinger, saying impishly, "Yeah it is. You want your reward, you're going to have to work for it."

He sighed heavily through his nose and groaned in frustration. Astrid "aww"-ed in sympathy, before reaching up and patting his head, saying, "Poor puppy." She leaned in, offering a kiss, and Hiccup begrudgingly leaned in to accept it. However, she quickly placed a couple of fingers on his lips and moved her head away, trilling "Ah ah!" Like she was disciplining a puppy for taking a squat on the floor.

Well, never let it be said that Hiccup wasn't as determined as Astrid Hofferson.

But just as Hiccup began to flourish under the guidance of his therapist and the motivation that Astrid (and later, his family as she figured out how to incorporate them as well, and they were more than willing to help) offered, the date of his hearing drew near. And before he knew it, it was time to fly out.

Sleep was impossible the night before, only coming to him in fits and spurts. By the time he finally managed to doze, it was time to leave the hotel, and he was an exhausted, pale, jittery wreck. Luckily, his parents, Astrid, and their lawyer did most of the talking, and Astrid held his hand the entire time while his mother held the other. Everything was culminating and would come crashing down in either victory or defeat, and all Hiccup could do was stare at his shoes and try not to throw up because Heather hardly took her eyes off him the entire time. She was obviously ignoring the poisonous looks Astrid was sending her, but oh boy if looks could kill…

Long story short, Heather was found guilty, but shockingly wasn't sent to prison, not even when Stoick nearly blew the judge's head off reminding him that Heather had tried to kill his son. But the judge explained to him again that he didn't think Hiccup was in any danger of dying of the basis that Heather was simply not strong enough to suffocate him, and he didn't want to send a woman to jail if he didn't have to. So the restraining order was simply kept in place and she was put on probation.

"The American justice system is a load of horseshit," Stoick growled as they stormed out, beard bristling. Astrid whole-heartedly agreed.

"I accidently dinged a guy's car once backing out of a parking spot," she explained on the walk back to the car, "He called the cops on me. Some old white dude with a stick up his ass. My car was actually more damaged than his. The cops still grilled me, and I was so scared I stared crying; I'd never been in trouble a day in my life before then. Yet this jackass cop had the _balls_ to ask if he'd dealt with me the day before when he couldn't have because I was at college that day. I hope he felt good making a girl cry, I hope that must made his fucking day."

Stoick had placed a fatherly hand on her shoulder, and said it was lucky for the cops he hadn't been with her that day. "I probably would have ended up in jail for what I would've done," he confessed, and Astrid laughed.

But that was then. This was now, and now, Hiccup was facing a bit of a dilemma.

The year following the trial had been very good to him. With Heather out of his life and not allowed to return to it by law, the biggest stressor in life had been removed. And with that stress gone, Hiccup finally obtained the sleek, filled-out look of a young man just beginning to enter his prime. He found his own sort of confidence, a quiet sort where he always knew what he was doing but didn't feel the need to let everyone else know too. The humbleness remained, although Valka assured Astrid that that had always been there long before he met Heather. Best of all, he happily met his girlfriend's eye as often as he could, and he laughed every day and smiled just as much.

He and Astrid did finally manage to find jobs and a place to live that was close enough that Hiccup could visit his parents as often as he wanted. Now that his life was becoming settled, he could focus on becoming closer to Astrid, and she didn't seem to mind at all.

Which brought Hiccup back to his dilemma. He sat on the by now familiar couch of one of the many rooms his therapist saw his clients in, legs bouncing up and down and hands pressed between his knees.

"So what's up?" his therapist asked, "We haven't seen each other in a while. I noticed you didn't bring your partner in crime with you today."

"Yeah," Hiccup mumbled, smiling nervously. Astrid usually attended every one of his sessions as a form of support, "I left her home on purpose because I'm sort of planning a surprise for her. But…I found out I'm having a, uh, problem I was hoping you could help me fix. Maybe."

He pressed his mouth into a thin line, effectively cutting himself off.

The therapist leaned forward, placing his elbows on his knees and saying, "Alright, I'll see what I can do. Lay it on me."

Hiccup took a deep breath and exhaled harshly, his cheeks puffing out. "Well, I think I've come a long way from where I was when I first started seeing you. Don't you think?"

He nodded. "I do. Of course, that's mostly up to you, but I do think you've come a long way."

A slight, vulnerable blush began to color Hiccup's cheeks as he said, "So, because I feel like I'm doing so well, I think I'm ready to take the next step in my relationship with Astrid. I…I want to try making love to her."

His therapist's eyes widened and he sat up in his chair. "That's good! I'm glad you're feeling so confident!"

"But…"

"But? Is this the problem you wanted help with?"

Hiccup nodded and swallowed hard, the action sounding rough and loud in the quiet room. He squished his hands between his knees together in earnest, forcing his legs still and squeezing his eyes shut. He blushed harder than ever, his ear and neck turning bright red. Then, he mumbled in the quietest voice he could manage and still be heard (he really didn't want to have to repeat this):

"I have trouble getting erections."

There, it was out. His heart had lodged itself in his throat and tears of mortification were forming in fat little droplets on the corners of his eyes, but it was out. He wiped at his eyes with his sleeve furiously.

"Hey now, it's alright," the therapist said kindly, "You don't need to be embarrassed about something like that. I understand why you are, but actually in people with cases like yours it's pretty normal."

Hiccup sniffed. "It is?"

The therapist nodded. "Oh yeah. Those who've experienced sexual abuse, like you, understandably often have trouble performing sexually later in life, even with someone they love. However, I have to make sure first if you're sure this isn't a medical problem."

Hiccup shook his head immediately and assured him, "Oh no, I already went to the doctor just to make sure, and they said physically there's nothing wrong with me. In fact, they suggested I go to you because their next thought was that this was something that had to do with my abuse."

"Alright. Do you think you can tell me why you can tell me why you're having trouble?"

Hiccup sighed and put his head in hands, and then leaned over and put his elbows on his knees, before answering, "Well, it's not that I don't ever…you know, get aroused or anything." He liked his therapist, he trusted him and everything, but God he wished he could crawl in the deepest, darkest hole in the world right now rather than talk about erections. "But, every time I do, it's like I just start to…fade out, or something."

His therapist regarded him critically. "What do you mean by 'fading out?'"

"I don't know. I just sort of…like, the instant the mood hits, my mind just goes blank. Like I blacked out for a minute, and then I suddenly come back to myself and don't remember what happened. And I can't stop it, no matter what I do. And Astrid and I have tried to be, you know, intimate in that way before, but every time she touched me like that, I'd fade out, or I'd get too scared to keep going. I hate it."

He put his head in his hands in despair and continued, "I want to give this to her. Astrid's done so much for me, and she tells me I don't owe her anything, but I don't care. I want to pay her back at least a little. I want to make her feel good, and I want to show her how much she means to me. Also, I think if I do this, I can get over that last hurdle…that'll be it."

"You think it'll show you that you've fully healed, in a way," his therapist finished.

Hiccup nodded, "Yes."

There was a moment of silence as his therapist mulled this over, before he smiled and said, "If you think you're ready for it, I think this is a great idea. Thus far your only sexual experiences have been with Heather, correct?"

"Mhmm."

"Then I think it's a good idea to replace those negative experiences with positive ones. That way, you can start to associate sex with love instead of abuse. After all, that's what sex is supposed to be; another expression of love. It's not supposed to be used to dominate and control someone."

"Yeah I know."

"And Astrid's a wonderful person. She swears a little"-

"A lot," Hiccup corrected.

"I was trying to be nice," his therapist said, "The point is, I know she'd never force you to do anything you didn't want to do. The moment you told her to stop, she would."

Hiccup emphatically agreed, "Oh I know. And I think the reason I fade out like this is because it was the way I'd deal with Heather when she wanted to be intimate. It's like my mind would just block out what was happening so I wouldn't remember it."

"It sounds like this was your mind's survival mechanism," his therapist decided, "A way to cope with the abuse. And it became a conditioned response over time, as much as your flinching was and all the apologizing. But now it's become so automatic that you don't know how to turn it off."

Hiccup agreed, "That's exactly it. So do you think you can help me?"

His therapist leaned over a placed a sympathetic hand on his knee, before catching his gaze and holding it. "Well, right now you're looking me in the eye, and you certainly couldn't do that when you first started seeing me. I remember that you thought you'd never be able to look anyone in the eye again. If we can fix that, we can fix this as well. You're pretty stubborn, Hiccup. At least Heather wasn't able to take that away from you."

Hiccup lifted his chin just a little higher, feeling warmth spread through his chest when he said, "No, she wasn't. I won't let her take this from me either."

000

Exactly two weeks after that meeting with the therapist, Hiccup felt he was ready, and asked Astrid if she would like to try making love. Well, "asked" really wasn't the word. More like, sputtered half sentences for five minutes and nearly fainting on the spot, and then Astrid had to put two and two together and translate what she thought he was talking about.

Oh, but he didn't want this to be just any old romp in the sheets. No, he had to get all chivalrous and romantic on her.

"I want to make a day of it," he explained, still cherry red all the way down his neck but smiling, "We'll spend the whole day with it being just us, and we can do just some nice, romantic stuff, like take a walk by the lake or something, or…you know. Whatever you want. I guess I just want to build up my confidence a bit more, get us both in the mood and…yeah." There was a very embarrassing quiver to his voice now, so he just stopped talking before it got worse.

Astrid rolled her eyes, but she was smiling too. "So you want to spend the day romancing me and seducing me, and then ending it with bedding me?"

Hiccup shrugged, but realized she was teasing him, and he answered, "Well, yeah. You think it'll work? You think you'll let me 'bed you' by the end of the day?"

She leaned forward and kissed his cheek sweetly, and said softly, "I think you've got a good shot."

They did end up taking that walk down by the lake just as the sun went down on a day of awkward romancing. At least, to anyone else it would have looked awkward, but since awkward was Hiccup's medium, he rolled with it and made it seemed like he meant to do that. All in all, according to Astrid, his plan was a success.

"You're such a sap, Hiccup," she said fondly, taking his hand in hers as they walked across the wet sand, "Don't ever change."

He laughed softly, and nuzzled her forehead, trying to block the wind blowing at them over the water. "Yes, m'lady."

The water on the lake had done an interesting thing this year. The drought had made it so the water receded quite a bit from the shore, opening up shallow sand-beds normally hidden by the water. It was high up enough to walk on, and Hiccup had ripped off his shoes embarrassingly fast when Astrid suggested they take a walk down by the beach. The sunset was bright orange and blinding, but it was pleasantly warm. There were kids squealing all over the place, but they thought it only added to the ambiance. They were told to "get a room" on more than one occasion when Hiccup felt confident enough to kiss Astrid passionately in public, but Astrid promptly flipped them off in their general direction with her lips still glued to her boyfriend's.

They had disappeared into their own little bubble of light and love that no one could penetrate, and Hiccup could feel the ache of his inner wounds being smothered by a blanket of warmth. His heart had found its home at last.

"What do you think?" Hiccup murmured, pulling them to a stop, "Should we head home?"

Astrid looked up at him, meeting his gaze. His eyes were gilded by the blinding orange of the setting sun, and his hair was a mess from being played with the high winds, and he was the most beautiful thing she had ever seen.

"So you can have your way with me? Yes," she assented, and placed her head under his chin, gazing out across the water.

Hiccup ended up watching the last rays of the sun go down with her, holding her against him protectively. He could feel his chest swelling with so many emotions he was sure they would rise up his throat and choke him. He had never felt closer to anyone in his life, and didn't know what to say to thank her. If not for Astrid, there was no doubt in his mind he'd be dead, either by Heather's hand or his own. How could he begin to say what he wanted to? "Astrid?" he said tentatively after a minute.

"Mmm?"

In the end, words were useless, he supposed. He would just have to _show_ her when they got home.

"Thank you," he said, and kissed the top of her head.

000

In the end, it had all been worth it.

Although at first, Hiccup felt like a lecher, especially when they began to get undressed. He happened to have the misfortune of glancing at Astrid, who was getting undressed behind him in their bedroom, as she was bending over. Her pants were off by then, and the sight of feminine folds pushing at her underwear with her rear end right above them made his heart race faster than it ever had in his life. This woman held a power over him that he loved and was terrified of; she could destroy the higher being in his brain until all that remained was the disgustingly primitive equation of "receptive female with butt in the air" plus "pointed toward virile male" equals "mount."

It should have disturbed him that he didn't have a problem with this perverted thought at all, but it didn't. Especially not when Astrid glanced at him over her shoulder with a smirk, rear still up in the air. She knew exactly what she was doing.

It was funny. Astrid was the virgin, but she had no problem stripping down. However, when she sat back on the bed, she did avert her eyes from Hiccup's gaze when it landed on her. After a moment though she cautiously lifted her eyes, and the utter adoration and worship in the look he was giving her washed over her like cozy tide.

Her body was hitting all the right notes in Hiccup's now primitive-acting brain; wide hips and full thighs for adequate child carrying and bearing, an equally luscious behind with a few stretch marks he couldn't wait to get his hands on, pretty, small breasts with rosy nipples to accentuate them, and a few fat rolls on her belly that he thought were quite frankly adorable.

She was so gorgeous to his eyes he thought for a second he wasn't worthy to be in her presence.

Astrid sniffed and grinned playfully, motioning to his balled up shirt in his hands. "You're shirt's off, but do I get to see the rest? I've spanked your ass plenty of times, but now I want to see it."

Hiccup snorted, and after that undressing wasn't so bad. He just hoped she liked what she saw, though in his mind he didn't have much to offer a beauty like her. His insecurity must have shown on his face, because Astrid was holding her arms out for him with a look of sympathy on her face.

"Come here, babe," she said, and he happily accepted the hug, appreciating the fact that Astrid was easing him into the carnal experience rather than throwing him head first into the deep end. He sucked in a breath when he felt her bare breasts brush against his chest, and heard a shuddering exhale leave Astrid when her sensitive nipples touched the warm skin. She raked her fingers up his neck and backwards through his hair, making him shiver.

"You're beautiful," she assured him, leaning back and kissing his ear, "You may not think anyone thinks you are, but you shouldn't care about anyone else. As your girlfriend, as the person who will hopefully being seeing your naked body on a regular basis, my opinion should be the only one you care about. And I don't know about you, but what I see makes me want to ravish the shit out of you."

That made him smile and relax a little, and to Astrid's utter surprised delight, gave him the confidence boost he needed to crawl up fully onto the bed and push her onto her back, before plunging his tongue into her mouth.

This was wonderful; When he was with Heather, Hiccup always felt forced into having sex with her, from the way she kept going on about how they had been dating for a month now and how he owed it to her. He felt violated whenever she undressed him and that was why his mind created the oasis for him to delve into during these sessions, so he could go somewhere peaceful to escape the violence.

Now that he was here and doing this with Astrid, he found he didn't _want_ to escape. He wanted to stay in the here and now, with Astrid gently tilting his head back and running her tongue wantonly up his throat, with her hands eagerly kneading his rear and her hips helplessly rutting against his, sensitive folds instinctively searching out his length and trying to slip him inside. Hiccup's mouth watered with the desire to swallow her whole. His lust made him want to take everything that she was and keep it safe inside him, to nourish with his air, keep her warm with his blood and comfort her with his heartbeat. From the way she was clinging to him so hard, desperately pressing their bodies together because she felt they weren't close enough, it seemed like she wanted the same thing.

For a while, her hands were everywhere on his body, searing hot and leaving goose-bumps all in one motion. Her lips couldn't seem to stay off the thin, sensitive skin of his neck, probably because she liked how it made him groan and shiver. He felt her map his broad shoulders which tapered off into his v-shaped, lanky torso. Her fingers traced over the faint suggestions of his ribs and explored his smooth belly, which had thankfully come a long way from its deprived state and now actually sported some pudge around it to match Astrid's. Her hands then caressed his bony hips and reached her goal, and the instant her hands wrapped around his length, Hiccup's first thought was _Holy shit I actually have an erection_ followed by an immediate realization that _Oh my God, that feels way too good, she keeps doing that I'm going to come in ten seconds._

"Astrid," he breathed, "Astrid, hold on a minute."

Her hand stilled and she gazed up him worriedly. "You want to stop?"

Hiccup explained, "Well, I want you to stop doing that, but only because I'm not going to last very long if you keep doing what you're doing."

"Oh…alright." She seemed confused and disappointed at the same time, but she removed her hand reluctantly. "But I want to make you feel good, Hiccup."

"I know, and I have no problem with that, believe me. But you've spent most of your time since I met you trying to make me feel good. Can you…will you let me make _you_ feel good? Please Astrid."

She regarded him steadily for a moment, her chest still heaving, and it was all Hiccup could do not to stare as her breasts moved steadily up and down. But she seemed to understand, and was willing to do anything to ease his mind.

"Alright," she relented, "But then it's your turn."

He smiled wide, far too delighted that she was giving him this chance. She obediently leaned back against the pillows while Hiccup situated himself between her legs, placing her thighs on his shoulders laying on his stomach. He could see her eyes dilating with excitement, a subtle quiver in her thighs as she watched him intently. Without a word, he dipped his head and brushed his lips against her outer folds, nibbling slightly. Her sharp of intake of breath spurred him on to take the plunge and shove his tongue between her folds.

Hiccup took her by complete surprise, and she jumped with a loud gasp. He brought up one of his hands to spread her folds more effectively, baring her completely to him. After a moment, he had to bring up the other hand to still her writhing hips. She probably couldn't help it, and that only made it more erotic. Hiccup's pulse began to pound in his head, and more importantly his groin, especially when she raked her fingers through his hair and tugged. The primal, rough action made Hiccup quite excited, and so did Astrid's high pitched moans and gasps. He worked her from her entrance all the way up to her clit, swirling and sucking and even grazing his teeth across the sensitive, melting flesh slightly. Arching her back, Astrid shoved his face even deeper between her legs, and Hiccup actually moaned at the action. He quite liked being used by her to further her pleasure.

When he thought he tortured her enough, he finally laved at her clit with intense fervor until she was flooding his mouth and nose with her juices. Hiccup backed away, wiping his mouth with the back of his hand, pulse leaping in his neck and erection throbbing almost painfully hard. While Astrid lay there, panting and shuddering in the aftermath of her orgasm, he crawled up to her and nuzzled her neck, leaving sweet, open mouth kisses against it. She weakly reached a hand up to stroke the side of his face, and Hiccup felt like a dog that knew it had performed the correct his master and was waiting to receive his treat. And Astrid didn't disappoint him. She abruptly sat up and forced Hiccup back onto his knees, all warm and loose and every one of her nerves aroused and hypersensitive. She sat in his lap and frantically rubbed her slick folds over his length, placing kisses all over his face.

"God, Hiccup," she panted between kisses, "Oh God, please let me fuck you. Let me…"

She cocked her hips, positioning the tip of him at her entrance, and Hiccup let out a shuddering moan. For one solitary second, he felt himself slipping, felt the world fade out, but he forced himself to bury his nose in Astrid's neck and take a deep drag of her scent. It brought him back to himself, and reminded him why he was here; to love this woman with every fiber of his being in every way possible, and to make her his as much as she had made him hers, to make it so she held his soul in her palms along with his heart.

With some finagling, Hiccup finally positioned himself and speared her, letting her sink slowly onto his length. He couldn't help it; he let his head fall back and a moan of utter ecstasy escaped him. Reality had disappeared and his every thought became the tight, slick heat that engulfed the most sensitive part of his body, and the impassioned expression of Astrid Hofferson when he began to move.

It was slow at first, and then became faster when she begged him to go faster, harder when she demanded he go harder. When her demands were more than he could handle, he put her on her back, hooked a leg over his waist, and thrust into her with everything he had. Vibrations ran up her body, their hips made a smacking sound as they slammed together, and a wet, sucking noise came from between their legs. Hiccup had never felt more powerful, or more blessed in his life than he looked down and saw the most beautiful woman in the world writhing beneath him, her nails raking down his back and her hips meeting every roll of his. He lowered himself slightly and crushed her body to his in an embrace, burying his face into her neck and snarling in her ear, blown away by the painful, wonderful forging of their souls together.

And when his vision was blinded by white, his ears filled with their combined cries of release into the void of the past Hiccup cast behind him, he knew at last that he was loved beyond every doubt he had ever had.


End file.
